


All Kinds of Passion

by BitterAzure



Series: All Kinds of Passion [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M, Smut, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:46:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3668010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterAzure/pseuds/BitterAzure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen has been trying hard to provoke Kanda, but Kanda has been trying harder not to let it get to him. A tension-packed story of how it worked out between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I hope you’re fucking pleased with yourself, bean sprout," Kanda hissed angrily as they entered the library through its gigantic door. They were currently trying to be as quiet and non-attention-drawing as possible. Which they admittedly weren't really accustomed to. 

"Why do you make it sound like it’s _my_ fault? You wanted to get out of there as much as I did! Don't blame everything on me now. And _I_ am not the one using drastic measures here, by the way," Allen bit right back. His hands were honestly itching to punch the bastard in his aggravatingly pretty face.

" _You_ did the lock-picking. It's almost a fucking _definition_ of getting away," the long haired man's expression downright screamed hostility. 

"As almost as you _almost_ know how to use a dictionary, I take it," Allen smiled his most pleasant smile in Kanda's direction, dodging the man's fist as they went. 

Going through labyrinth-like aisles between the tall bookcases, all stealthy and shit, they didn't seem to notice how their bickering made all the discreetness go to hell. Some finders and scientists scattered around shot them glares for disturbing, but none of them spoke up. There wasn't a person in the whole Order who wouldn't know starting a fight with those two idiots was never worth it – Kanda especially. They were gradually moving towards the back end of the area. More specifically, the part of it which was usually unoccupied. It was rare for anyone to have any business there because it was ciphered tomes section. Not many besides Lavi and the Bookman could find there anything of interests.

Speaking of Bookman, his private research-or-something room was supposed to be somewhere close. If Allen remembered correctly what he was told quite a long time ago that is. And they could use a place like that. Nice and locked. No one would come looking for them there. 

"Do you really even know where we're going? Or got lost again?" Kanda was honestly so pissed off that he was ready to resort to violence at any given moment. _Real_ violence. Not just throwing kicks and punches, no no. Allen was about to have his whole foot shoved up his own ass if he didn’t come up with something. And _quick_. 

"Shut up. Of course I know," Allen answered him impatiently as he nervously looked around, praying for the door to suddenly appear somewhere. They were kind of on the run and Allen didn't have any other idea where they could go. Besides, it was too late for new plans. It _had_ to work.

Kanda just stood close by, arms crossed on his chest, silently observing Allen as the younger male was obviously searching for something. Seconds ticked by and his scowl grew pretty nasty. "You done yet?"

"Jesus! What's your problem, Kanda? She won't come to look for us in the library anyway. I mean, just imagining you with a book is quite distur―" 

Unfortunately Allen wasn't given a chance to finish his sentence, because they suddenly heard something that made them both break into goose-bumps. 

"Mr. Walker, Mr. Kanda, I know you are both here somewhere!" Still somewhat distant voice of the angry Head Nurse echoed in the library. Which was, of course, a place where one should keep quiet, but no one was brave enough to reprimand the stern woman, apparently. It was clearly not a good day for readers enjoying peace. Allen cringed a bit, feeling slightly guilty for his feigned confidence.

"You fucking said something just now?," Kanda almost barked at him, but Allen just made a face. "What are you even trying to find?"

"The, uh, Bookman's room," Allen admitted reluctantly, hating himself right after when Kanda rolled his eyes and took a hold of his arm, dragging him in the right direction. 

They got to the door in record time and Allen was ready to perform his awesome lock-picking skills any given moment, but the handle just moved freely under his hand and the door opened, surprising both men. And, well, whoever was inside – it wasn't looking good. 

Hurriedly fumbling inside, they both groaned internally at the sight of their red haired friend. They hated talking to Lavi when being in the same room with one another, because―

"Ooooh, what are ya guys up to? Came looking for a private spot to smoochy-smooch? This room’s already taken, sorry."

Yeah. Because of _that_.

" _Please_ not now, Lavi," Allen whined before Kanda could kill the Bookman Junior with his bare hands. "We have to hide somewhere for a second."

Lavi knew that the moment he saw them, really. Their a bit pyjama-like clothes and the bandage wrapped around Allen's arm told him the whole story. 

" 'Hide' ya say. Well, don' think no one gonna check here. But...," he grinned, getting up from the desk where he was reading until the duo barged in on him. He walked up to a tall cabinet that seemed a bit misplaced there and opened it, revealing a surprising lack of shelves and a broad enough space for the both Hospital Wing refugees to fit in. "Hop inside."

Both exorcist looked at him as if he suddenly started to speak another language, but Allen nodded after a few seconds, deciding it was not a time to be picky. Kanda apparently felt like being a bitch though. 

"I'm not fucking going in there, you're going to infect me with your shortness," Kanda said snappishly, watching Allen as he climbed inside the thing. It had ridiculously long legs.

"Suit yourself, BaKanda. _I'm_ not going to get caught. And in _your_ place I would hide at least until they're less mad about that _knocked out Finder_."

Kanda clicked his tongue. He really hated to admit it, but bean sprout was right. He scowled.

"Ya can always hide under my desk instead. Won't stomp on ya, promise!" Kanda didn't even bother to react to Lavi’s stupid comment. He quickly went to gracefully lift his one leg to prop his knee inside the damned cabinet and then lifted himself with the help of his arms, purposefully ignoring Allen's stretched out helping hand. The albino just rolled his eyes at that.

"Hurry, hurry. I think they comin'," Lavi rushed them and then shut the heavy door as soon as Kanda was fully inside, but not before saying "try not to be too rough with each other or she'll hear ya." He also blinked with his one eye in Kanda's direction and then it suddenly became completely dark. 

The swordsman felt irritation built up in him as he realised it must have been a fucking wink. He cursed under his breath, knowing perfectly well what the redhead was on about. The stupid rabbit had somehow gotten an idea that he, Kanda, had hots for Allen. Which was completely stupid and unreasonable and _true_. The moron was just mocking him, knowing perfectly well why Kanda was so reluctant to hide together with the bean.

Meanwhile Allen swallowed with difficulty, which sounded obnoxiously loud in his own ears. Feeling Kanda's vicious whispering in a form of hot puffs of air against his skin wasn’t making him all that comfortable. He was painfully aware of every part of the swordsman's body that was touching his in this cramped space. 

"You know he's just trying to provoke us," Allen spoke up softly in an attempt to calm the man down, but it only caused him to stiffen up, the albino’s words tickling his neck. 

“Is it supposed to make that _better_?” Kanda was set on ignoring the pleasant feeling. “He’s just really asking for me to maim him,” he growled, but then they both heard a muffled, angry knocking to the room’s door, immediately falling silent. 

Listening carefully as Lavi told the nurse he haven’t seen them at all today, they both relaxed when the woman seemed to believe him. But soon it became apparent that something was wrong. When Lavi started asking her about the weather, Kanda felt an urge to just burst out and strangle him.

“That _fucking_...,” Kanda growled, barely able to keep his voice down. Lavi was probably having a great time prolonging this hell.

“Shh.” Allen’s breath was suddenly a lot closer and Kanda felt a little unwanted shiver pass through him. “Kanda, please,” the younger male added for a better effect and the swordsman wanted to put at least a tiny bit more distance between them, but his body obviously disagreed with him, moving in the exact opposite direction.

They stayed quiet then, not even listening to Lavi’s blabbering anymore, but― the silence somehow served to make the situation feel more intimate and Kanda was really not okay with that. He knew he should not speak though. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he tried to just stay still. 

But Allen noticed how strained his stance has became. “Kanda...?,” he whispered, preoccupied. 

He wasn’t sure what he was trying to achieve by calling out to him like that exactly, but surely not what he actually got. He took his guess Kanda must have automatically turned his head to him, because he suddenly felt an exhale tickle his lips. Involuntarily letting out something like a half-gasp, he leaned closer. What was Kanda going to do, he wondered dazedly. Because he sure couldn’t escape like he always did. Not just yet at least. 

His heart jumped a little as he felt the other body move closer to him in the darkness. Oh he was not expecting that. Encouraged, he angled his face close to where he supposed Kanda’s lips were. The man’s scent and the heat radiating from the body before him called forth a ticklish feeling somewhere in his abdomen. And when he could swear the man inched closer again, he could barely stand the burning on his lips anymore. God, he needed to touch him so bad. Raising a hand tentatively, he let it rest against the hard chest and when he felt fingers slide slowly against the underside of his wrist in response, he honestly had to swallow a moan. He felt so stupid for that, he really did. It was nothing, a tiny little touch that he would probably not even notice if the finger’s were anyone else’s.

Maybe he could just _do_ it. It shouldn’t mess things up too bad. Just one simple kiss. He wasn’t asking for anything more. But when he leaned in to make it happen, when he could almost feel the softness of Kanda’s lips, everything disappeared. The swordsman must have backed away, feeling what was coming. All Allen was left with was a sound of the man’s slightly quickened breathing and the bitter feeling of disappointment he was trying hard to fight down.

Neither of them said anything. There wasn’t really much to comment. The suddenly heavy atmosphere made them both just want Lavi to hurry the fuck up. And sure enough, before the awkwardness could get any worse, the door flew open, letting in the light and revealing a cheerful-looking redhead.

“Hope ya guys done feeling each other up,” he practically sang, but Kanda predictably jumped back down on the floor and shoved him aside before he could add anything else. 

“I’m going to go train. Have fun, morons, “ he snarled and Allen could just trail his steps with a thoughtful gaze until the man was gone, angrily shutting the door behind him as he left. 

“Well, I get ya couldn’t get that stick out of his ass, then,” Lavi commented and Allen just sighed. 

“I’m starting to doubt it’s even doable,” the albino joked weakly, more to himself than anything. 

“Mmm? Wanna share sumthin’ with yo best friend?” Lavi’s tone was nothing but mocking, his smile telling more than words ever could. 

“Nothing you wouldn’t know already,” Allen said simply, a bit amused.

Not many could hide anything from Bookman Junior and the albino knew that. Besides, it wasn’t like he even tried to hide his feelings toward Kanda much. Not from Lavi anyway. Which didn’t mean he necessarily wanted to talk about them.

“What even is this thing? It doesn’t look like it belongs here.” He pointedly looked at the cabinet, feeling like a good ol’ topic change was what he needed. 

“Ooh, that. Ya know, I have to do some research ‘bout when and where it comes from. Boring stuff.” The goofy redhead was considerate enough to let the obvious attempt to distract him pass without as much as a blink. But only this time, he told himself, the emerald eye twinkling. 

“Are you sure it was okay for us to even touch something like that?,” Allen asked, honestly a bit concerned, but Lavi just waved his hand dismissingly. 

“Don’ worry, pal.” He patted his shoulder supportively and the albino had a strong feeling he wasn’t at all talking about the piece of furniture anymore.

“Thanks.” 

He nodded his goodbye after this short conversation and left, planning to go about his day like nothing happened. Though he still had one angry Head Nurse to avoid. 

#$% 

Kanda was mad. Fucking angry like hell. He was facing problems he really shouldn’t be, God damn it.

He didn’t need anyone in his life. He didn’t need a fucking _partner_. And his damned hormones should just calm the hell down and understand that already. 

The whole thing was he would gladly accept sex. Really. But his stupid body decided that apparently anyone besides the moronic bean sprout was no good. And he wasn’t going to get himself involved with this shithead. He knew exactly what would happen. Allen and his planet-sized heart wouldn’t let it be just fucking. He was sure of it. 

And what was he even doing, touching his _wrist_? Was he stupid? He should just grab his dick and be done with it. Solve the tension and then clear this damned situation up. Tell Allen to find himself another victim for his stupid infatuation. Well... maybe he wouldn’t do it all in a fucking cabinet and within the stupid rabbit’s earshot, but the concept was there. 

He said to those idiots that he was going to train, but he felt like having a cold shower first. He already went to his room earlier; to get clean training clothes he could change into. His thing for Allen was honestly getting ridiculous. A couple of minutes too close to him and he was already like this, all hot and bothered. He knew it was probably because about a year worth of an almost constant sexual tension was just becoming too hard on him. He felt irritated just thinking about it. Somehow he knew he should have started avoiding the albino at some point, but it just wasn’t fucking happening. He found himself spending time with him more often than not. They even had a lot of damned missions together! 

He went to rage at Komui about that once, after a particularly hard week of sharing a room with the bean somewhere in eastern France, but all the explanation he got was that they ‘complement each other in matters of abilities’. Surely he meant to say that Kanda was good at fighting and Allen at... whatever made up for being the weakling he was. Fucking wimp. Anyway, Komui apparently didn’t care that they were fighting all the time as long as none of them killed the other. Which Kanda was _just tempted_ to do, especially recently. 

Having stripped fast, he angrily threw his things onto one of the many wooden shelves that were right next to a long row of shower cabins. Taking a towel and wrapping it securely around his hips, he stomped his way to one placed the furthest from the door. It didn’t look like anyone was using the stalls right then, but he would just feel more comfortable tucked into a corner anyway. 

He wavered just before screwing the tap to let the cold water flow. Well. He did plan to cool himself off, but since no one was there to eavesdrop on him... Purposefully ignoring the fact that anyone could just come in any moment, he let the warm water relax his pissed-off stance.

A sight left his lips when he let himself rest against the cold tiles that quickly became warm against his hot skin. It was okay. He was going to just make the tension stop running so insistently in his system, it was all there was to it. Done making excuses for now, Kanda lowered his eyelids, letting one of his palms caress his abdomen before unhurriedly sliding it down the muscled thigh. He wanted it to be surprising how quickly the white-haired doom of his existence invaded his thoughts, but he was far too used to it by now. 

They were so often sweaty together while training that imagining one of those play-fight sessions to have a much more exciting final than usual wasn’t all that hard. Like a few weeks ago when Allen won just because he used a dirty trick. He remembered the feel of the albino’s thigh pressing between his to distract him, provocatively rubbing the erection he admittedly had by then from watching the bean sprout’s lean body move for too long. He was honestly too sexy when they sparred, showing off his flexibility every time an occasion presented itself. And in a situation like this Kanda should have just grabbed his hips, better yet his ass, and make the younger male grind down on him again. Would he be surprised, he wondered. He felt a little smirk quirk his lips at the thought and let his eyes close completely, tugging at his already hardening member languidly. He probably would be, but then Kanda could just silence him with his tongue if he wanted to make any smartass comment. But maybe he would just pull his shirt off before kissing him, those tattoo-like things he had around his Innocence-arm were always an intriguing sight. Or maybe he could just wrap his legs around Allen’s hips, moving impatiently until the friction became too much and made them free their cocks and start jerking each other off – much like Kanda was doing to himself right that moment, breath quickening as his spine arched away from the tiles. 

“Shit,” he whispered, his mind getting wilder ideas. 

He was damn sure having the other exorcist suck his cock would really be something. With as much food as the brat managed to basically _swallow whole_ , he probably didn’t even know that gag reflex was supposed to exist. The wetness of water easily became Allen’s saliva in his mind, he could just imagine that _tongue_. But what if...

Kanda’s other hand reached behind him, his fingers rubbing the furrowed entrance and the albino’s tongue followed suit obediently. The swordsman’s jaws clenched, stubbornly not letting out the moan that wanted to come through. Fuck, _fuck_. The wet muscle did wonders to him in his mind and he pushed a finger inside of himself as far as it would go, quickly deeming it not enough and adding a second one. He honestly was probably just doing it too often. 

Already knowing his body well enough, he easily found his prostate and started probing it restlessly. His head lolled to the side, chest heaving wildly and he managed to push in another two fingers, pretending that the burning feeling was Allen’s cock entering him. His lips parted in a soundless moan, whole body shivering. God, he was really going crazy over this idiot. Fucking himself harshly, he was all the while palming his throbbing erection, feeling intense waves of pleasure wash over him. He kept it up just a while longer and then had to bite his lip really hard as he was coming, all the evidence disappearing under the stubbornly flowing water as quickly as his strength. Not even caring anymore, he let his body slide down against the wall. His brain and muscles felt useless as he basked in the aftermath. _Fuck_. If he could say anything good about Allen it was that his conjured up by Kanda’s mind self sure delivered some mind blowing orgasms. 

It took him a moment to fall right back into his normal thinking patterns, but when he did, reality hit him hard. He did it _again_. _Jesus_. He felt like some kind of a perverted slut. It was just ridiculous. He banged the back of his head against the wall, elbows resting on bent knees. 

Hating himself quite a bit, he couldn’t shake off a feeling that he was falling too deep into something with his fellow exorcist. 

#$%

In the morning two days later Allen and Kanda found themselves in Komui’s office. It was a bit awkward to say the least. 

They kind of had a habit of avoiding each other every time something too _obvious_ happened between them. Just to let all the messed-up feelings calm down. At least that’s how it was on Kanda’s part. Allen just seemed to notice and go along with that. But it looked strongly like this time they weren’t going to be given a chance to do so. 

“It’s a really simple clean up job. You were both recently hospitalized, so I made sure you could take it easy,” older of Lee siblings explained them shortly.   
Both exorcists were sitting in a love-seat in front of the man’s desk. The swordsman angry as always, as far away from Allen as he physically could and the latter was oddly quiet. Which, by the way, wasn’t worrying Kanda at all. Or at least that was what he told himself.

“You should always give bean sprout missions like that. That’s the best he can pull off without coming back half-dead,” Kanda commented snappishly, his muscular arms crossed on his chest, not giving the albino as much as a glance. 

Aside from being stupidly embarrassed for obvious reasons, he was still mad at him for their last mission. Allen guarded Kanda from a fatal blow using his sword as a make-shift shield, but was still wounded badly enough to end up in the Hospital Wing. And no amount of tongue-lashing and threatening with Mugen seemed to make him understand how stupid it was of him. The only thing he managed to achieve by that was making them less efficient as a team. 

“Allen is of one of our best exorcists, Kanda. As much as I worry about his methods, I can’t have him kept away from danger,” Komui answered him in an unimpressed tone, already used to the swordsman’s sharp tongue. Though he seemed worried about how Allen was still silent despite the obvious provocation. Kanda, in turn, only grew more irritated. 

When a ‘tch’ was all Komui got in response, he carried on with more detailed information. 

As he talked, it became obvious that the mission was going to be extremely boring. There was no innocence involved, all they had to do was find and exterminate one low level Akuma that was causing problems in a village few hours by train away from the Head Quarters. With Allen’s eye it was honestly like killing a bug. 

Two young men parted without a word when the debriefing was over. The departure time was ASAP since they didn’t really need to prepare in any way – barely change into uniforms – and the faster they get job done, the more villagers they had a chance to save. And while Allen valued people’s lives like nothing else and understood they needed to go do what they had to, he could already tell it was going to be a really bad day for him. 

Having barely slept for two nights in a row because of chaotic thoughts not letting him rest, the albino was tired. And worse yet, completely lost on the right way to act. Kanda honestly wasn’t going easy on him. Not that it sounded like something the vicious man would do, but Allen just felt so _confused_. 

He refused to believe that he was nothing to his fellow exorcist. Too much has changed between them since they met for Allen not to see it as some kind of progress. He wouldn’t go as far as to say they were friends now, but it wasn’t what he hoped them to become anyway. He realized it was probably unhealthy to want someone just as much as hate them, but it wasn’t like he could just change that. Though hate was a bad word by now, probably. Over time he just got used to Kanda’s antics, going as far as to find the way he threatened everyone around almost constantly short of charming. In the strangest way. He saw the little differences between how Kanda treated him and others, too.

Like, for example, he didn’t seem to mind them eating at the same table. And that was saying something with Allen’s eating habits and the swordsman’s surprisingly serious approach to the table etiquette. He’s been bitched at by the man for being gross multiple times in the past, sure. Now he admittedly caught Kanda _staring_ a few times as he ate though. Shoving a stick full of dango down his throat seemed to be doing the trick especially well. 

Kanda also obviously thought the albino was the best choice for a training partner. It really flattered him a little. What with how the swordsman always said that he was so weak and all. He couldn’t really be thinking that – Kanda didn’t struck him as the type to like the easy win, he preferred challenge. Besides, the man’s training pants often weren’t tight enough for it to be obvious at the first glance, but Allen felt that rock-hard erection against him a few times. He could not even describe how much will power it cost him every time to just ignore it. 

And it was not only that. Kanda also seemed to generally don’t mind spending time with him much. At least when he wasn’t meditating, that is. It was the only time the man would literally manhandle him to make him go ‘the fuck away’, as he put it. It was also hard not to notice how the swordsman sometimes smirked when they were bickering. He seemed to really enjoy it and Allen did, too. Especially since it was rarely as vicious as before, when they hadn’t yet known how to deal with each other. 

Okay, so Allen admitted those probably weren’t serious signs of _anything at all_ , but he always kept in mind that Kanda was severely socially challenged. It wouldn’t make sense to expect him to follow normal people’s behaving patterns. But _even if_ Allen just over interpreted the man’s behaviour, one thing he was sure of was that Kanda’s body resonated with his.

And then again, if the gorgeous male really _did_ want him for some reason Allen couldn’t comprehend, then― why was he pushing him away so insistently? 

Kanda was a damned hothead, everyone knew that. So it would be only logical to expect he was just going to snap one of those times and fuck Allen’s brains out or something, right? Well, he didn’t do it, obviously. And Allen wasn’t even sure how many months it’s been since he started trying to provoke the man. It took an enormous amount of guts to try to kiss him the first time. He felt high when Kanda’s lips started moving against his then and― the kiss ended as abruptly as it started, with the older male fleeing the scene. It was Allen’s only success so far. And however hard he tried, the albino couldn’t think of any reasonable explanation for that.

He then had half a mind to confess once, but just couldn’t wrap his mind around the concept of feelings winning Kanda over more than a prospect of sex. And he still didn’t regret his decision to shut his mouth about it. 

So― what he was supposed to do? Was it already time to try to give up? He didn’t know if he could do that. Not with situations like the one in the cabinet inciting him all the time. But maybe he really was just stupid, getting his hopes up like that.

Snapping out of his thoughts only about the time he saw the sour swordsman waiting for him in a gondola at the water passage, Allen wished that this mission was over already.


	2. Chapter 2

During the four-hour-long, completely quiet and uneventful journey, Allen really hoped Timcanpy could be by his side. The little golem disappeared somewhere few days ago when he and Kanda were still in the Hospital Wing. The albino wasn’t really worried, Tim did that sometimes. He just felt gloomy and the golem always managed to lift his spirits a little when he needed it. Without it, he had nothing to focus on but the swordsman’s cold presence, his thoughts growing darker as time ticked by.

Having finally reached the Dukeshill Station, they had to walk mere twenty minutes or so to reach the village of the same name that was mentioned in the Akuma attack report. It then took them maybe an hour to locate the target and the danger itself was dealt with swiftly, but the two young exorcists, surprisingly enough, soon found themselves in trouble of another kind.

“I really insist. You saved my youngest son,” a middle-aged woman said to them, her lips trembling as she still couldn’t stop crying in relief. She was proposing them a meal and a place to stay for a night – even though it was barely late afternoon. Her hands were resting on a little boy’s back as he was hugging her leg, sobbing loudly. 

It just so happened that the Akuma was disguising itself as one of young girls from a nearby orphanage and the woman’s son was about to be its next victim. And as Allen took the boy away from the scene and Kanda pierced the Akuma with a quick slash of his sword just moments prior, the woman fell witness to it. Or at least the part when her son was already safe in the albino’s arms and the ‘monster’ did no longer resemble a little child – skipping the part when any moral doubts would appear. 

Allen tried to refuse as politely as he could, but the woman was truly insistent and he admittedly was a tiny bit hungry. Plus he kind of wanted to agree just to spite Kanda who obviously didn’t want to go, so... they settled on the meal only. The swordsman merely scowled as a comment. 

As the woman calmed down a bit, she took the boy up in her arms and begun to lead the way. The kid was silent, warily watching both exorcists with a hint of fear and Allen really should have paid more mind to it and quickly back away. The woman was by then trying to make a small talk though and was successfully distracting him. 

“Are you two travellers by any chance? We don’t see people from outside the village often. If anyone passes through here, they generally stay in one of the inns near the station,” she said, trying to force a small smile, but her hands were still shaking a bit, wrapped securely around her child’s small body.

“You could say so, yes. We travel to do our job,” the albino explained vaguely, not wanting to disclose too much.

To that she stared at his scar and hair, making the young male only slightly uncomfortable and then also eyed the exorcist uniform he had on as if she only noticed it right then, pressing her lips together. Before speaking, she also glanced at Kanda that was walking a few metres behind them with a displeased grimace on his face to make sure that yes, the other man wore a similar clothing as well.

“I see.” She nodded and then fell silent for a moment, making the albino wonder if she ever heard anything about the Order, but he didn’t plan to inquire. 

He was glad their destination wasn’t far away, because the villagers were staring at them unashamedly and, no matter how he tried, he never got used to drawing so much attention. “We’re here,” she said as they approached a small, but seemingly well-kept house with a tiny garden. Allen thought it was nice and voiced his thoughts, making the woman smile and nod humbly. “I’m heading inside to put Sam to sleep, he has to calm down. You can come in whenever you want to, I’ll make dinner soon. I left it almost ready when I headed out,” she said, absently caressing the boy’s brown hair. She seemed to be pondering on something and when Allen wanted to once again thank her for the hospitality pretty much just to break the sudden silence, the woman did it herself. “George! George, come here!,” she called.

“What is it, mother?,” a voice could be heard from the other side of the house and a young man approached them shortly after, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. His breath was slightly quickened and Allen thought he must have been working before his mother beckoned him. He could only guess what he was doing exactly, but he wasn’t dirty with soil or anything, so chopping wood maybe? He looked strong enough for a task like that. He was tall, tan and probably not much older than Allen himself and if the albino wasn’t already head over hills for one god-tier-good-looking swordsman, he could probably call him handsome.

“We have guests over for dinner today.” She looked over at both exorcists before adding hesitantly in a small, shaky voice “they saved Sam from the monster.” As she said that, her older son eyed them curiously, clearly not needing any details on what ‘monster’ it was. Allen guessed that people were aware that their fellow villagers weren’t disappearing lately just by a mere coincidence. Probably someone already fell witness to the Akuma appearing before. His interest could have been piqued by it, but something else quickly became his main concern. 

As this George guy was looking at them, it took him barely seconds to seemingly forget about Allen, focusing solely on Kanda. The albino would have thought nothing of it, really. Normally it would be a nice change from people constantly staring at his own face or hair and in Kanda’s case it wouldn’t even surprise him. Because let’s face it, how many guys out there had such a long hair? Not mentioning an Asian person was quite a rare sight in England. But it didn’t look like a mere curiosity, no. He was plainly _ogling_ him. Feeling his jaw tighten, Allen tried throwing the man a nasty glare, but it went unnoticed. George’s mother said something right then before disappearing inside the house, but he barely heard her, too busy fuming silently. Instantly forgetting he was kind of ignoring Kanda, he turned to him with a stern expression. 

“Let’s go in,” he said, blood boiling when he noticed the swordsman was looking at George as well. It was akin to a glare, but then again, how often was Kanda friendly or at least neutral. Whatever it was, it didn’t change the fact that he only turned to face Allen when the latter spoke up. 

“I’m not hungry. Go play hero by yourself if you have to,” he scoffed haughtily and Allen clenched his fists in helpless anger. 

“I’m not―,” he begun, but was quickly interrupted.

“Shouldn’t you let him do what he wants to, little fellow?,” George spoke up confidently, sending him a victorious smirk. Allen honestly wanted to wipe it off of his face with his fist, fierce jealousy licking at his insides. But no, he wasn’t one to act like that. He turned back to Kanda instead, stubbornly staring him straight in the eye for a moment, but the man only grimaced, folding his arms on his chest. 

“Fine, suit yourself,” he said gravely, teeth grinding as he took the few steps separating him from the house. His politeness was the only thing stopping him from loudly shutting the door as he left the two men alone outside. 

He honestly felt like not seeing Kanda for a while, prospect of the ride back to Head Quarters heavy on his mind. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he was trying to reassure himself that the swordsman will surely tell this George bastard to fuck off if anything comes to pass, but he hated himself for these thoughts at the same time. It seemed like a big part of him was desperately clinging to Kanda, trying to convince him that everything really had a chance to work out between them just fine. Had it really, he wondered. 

He suddenly felt like agreeing to the woman’s proposition was the worst idea he had in a long time, but he still headed inside the house, quickly finding kitchen in the small interior. He vaguely thought he probably should stop doing things just to piss Kanda off, it wasn’t benefiting him in any way. He was not going to go back on his word though, the woman just wanted to thank them. Besides, he was going to leave as soon as he ate. It was better than waiting for the train doing nothing anyway. 

“Oh, it’s you. Sit, please,” the woman said as she noticed him, gesturing to a small table with four chairs around it. “Where is your friend?”

“He said he’s not hungry. You will have to excuse him,” Allen put on a brilliant smile and nodded in apology, taking his seat quietly. It hit him again how tired he was, his thoughts felt clouded. 

“Oh, I understand.” She smiled back, probably not even noticing that, in whole truth, he wasn’t all that cheery at the moment. He felt like laughing. It would be really nice if he could cog himself so easily, too. 

The woman busied herself with preparing the meal for a moment. Allen could tell she was trying to come up with a topic to entertain him somehow, but was failing miserably, clearly embarrassed. Now that he thought about it, she reminded him of Miranda a little. In normal circumstances he would probably make a small talk himself, just to make her feel better, but he really wasn’t in the mood.  
Suddenly the woman’s attention was turned away from him. 

“ _Mommy_.”

“What are you doing here, Sam? I told you to rest,” she said, her voice filled with concern as she stepped into neighbouring room from where her son was calling her in a hushed voice. 

“ _Make them go away, mommy. I don’t like them_ ,” a frightened, childishly indiscreet whisper could be heard. 

“What are you talking about, silly?,” the woman answered, but the albino could tell she sounded worried. He stood up from the table, knowing what was coming. Honestly, what was he doing? He knew well by now that exorcist’s work was very rarely appreciated. He shouldn’t bother these people. 

“ _They turned Sally into a scary monster. Where is she, mommy?_ ” The boy started sobbing quietly and there was silence, his mother probably lost on a way to react. After a while she exited the room with a frightened expression, her hands trembling as she faced Allen, lips parted to speak. “I―”

“I’ll take my leave, “ he said, bowing to her respectfully and heading out before she could utter anything more. 

He was getting mad at himself. They should have just headed right back to the station. And it was entirely his fault that they strayed to this place. His self-hate only doubled in intensity when he didn’t find Kanda in front of the house. George was nowhere to be seen either and it made it even worse. 

A really bad feeling was creeping its way to his chest. Something was telling him that if he could find George, Kanda would be there, too. His first and roughly only guess was the backyard of the house. It didn’t feel right to go there with it being a private property. And what’s more it was safe to say he wasn’t much of a welcome guest anymore, but―

Throat tightened, his mind got confused between anger and apprehensiveness. Surely he was just overreacting. Even if Kanda really was at the back with George, there wasn’t anything wrong about it. That was what he told himself. And then his throat went dry when he heard a saucy laugh as he was getting closer. It was undoubtedly George’s and Allen felt anxiousness mix with rage. He realised his dark thoughts were probably a pretty good guess at what was happening, but he still went white on the face as he saw the scene. 

Kanda was standing with his back to him, posture gathered as it always was, but the other man was close to him – _too_ close. Their bodies were almost touching. He was just leaning in to whisper something in Kanda’s ear, his cocky smile suddenly widening when he saw Allen watching. The albino was ready to intervene, to punch the bastard, not caring what Kanda could think or say. He didn’t expect George’s next move though. Looking straight into widening silver eyes, he shamelessly grabbed Kanda’s ass, his mouth moving, getting closer to the man’s ear. And then the swordsman just― turned his head a little, saying something way too quietly to be audible for Allen and he could stand no more. He bolted away from the house, through the village, only losing his speed when he saw the shape of the station appear down the road. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he cursed to himself, legs giving out and he just let himself fall on his ass, hiding his head between his knees, hands tangling in white strands. His heart felt painfully heavy.

He didn’t want to think what Kanda whispered back to George. He didn’t want to know. He feared to know. He thought before that he trusted Kanda to push the man away, but then why would he even let the guy get so close to him? Did he find him attractive? Was that the real reason he didn’t want to come inside? To stay outside with George? Allen never once took Kanda for a person who could just share his body with anyone, but what if he was mistaken? 

Questions were running in his head chaotically and his mind was helpfully supplying him with the worst of answers. 

Fingers tugged at his hair painfully. He knew he should stop thinking like that. Kanda surely was going to head to the station soon. He just had to wait.

He kept telling himself that, but there was no way to know it for sure, was there? Unwanted images kept appearing in his head and he suddenly though of how ridiculous he really was. He was being irrational, Kanda wasn’t his to be possessive of. He owed him nothing. He didn’t need his approval to do anything. He surely didn’t even care what Allen thought about him.

Allen’s mind shortly went blank and he just waited. And waited, and waited, immune to the chilly, autumn wind. After what felt like far too long, he got up and directed his steps to the station. 

He couldn’t be sure, but looking at the setting sun he guessed they had about half an hour for they return train to appear. He didn’t even care if Kanda was going to show up anymore. With as much time as had passed, it was obvious to him what occurred between the swordsman and that George guy. He didn’t want to look at Kanda knowing that. Mainly because he felt like he couldn’t trust himself with what he was going to do. He just― 

Was he really imagining things all this time? Did Kanda really think nothing of him? His mind was screaming at him to give up. To just forget he ever felt anything to his fellow exorcist. Well― if it really was that easy... His chest constricted painfully for the nth time since he ran away, thoughts growing more bitter with each passing second. He wasn’t even paying attention to his surroundings anymore and wasn’t sure how he suddenly found himself sitting on a bench at the station, eyes staring off into space absently. He felt hollow, but one little thing was enough for his blood to suddenly start boiling in helpless rage. 

“Bean spr―”

“My name is Allen for fuck’s sake,” he spit, sharply turning his head to where Kanda was standing, obviously displeased he’s been interrupted when he had something to say. But Allen didn’t even care what it was. “You finally showed up. Had your fun?” Words just spilled out and he made no attempt to stop them. 

“What?” The swordsman had the nerve to sound like he really didn’t know what the albino was talking about. 

“I’m asking if you enjoyed him fucking you.” 

“ _What the fu_ ―”

“Can you just stop that?” Clenching his jaw, the younger male stood up abruptly, glaring right into hardened blue eyes. 

“Stop _what_? Who are you even talking about? George?” Kanda already had the angry scowl on, venom showing in his tone, and Allen didn’t pay much mind to how the swordsman practically spit the last word. 

“Yeah. _George_ ,” the name rolled out of Allen’s tongue with contempt. “I didn’t take you for such a slut, honestly. How long did he have to convince you? Two minutes? Five? Or maybe you asked him to?” The albino just felt so fucking desperate. Was he not trying hard enough all this time? Or he really had no chances from the start and Kanda was just playing with him for the sake of it?

The younger male’s time for self-pitying was up when, without any kind of warning, a fist landed on his cheek, making him stumble back a few steps. He automatically touched the place with his fingers, feeling the unsteady rage quickly evaporate. The only feeling he was left with was uselessness.

Shoulders slumping, he turned his face away from the man he sometimes wasn’t sure he loved or hated and sat back down on the bench heavily. He didn’t speak up, he didn’t feel like it. Kanda wasn’t eager to interrupt the silence either and as a result they just waited for the train in silence, Allen’s cheek slowly swelling and changing colour.

The albino took to observing the ground with unfocused eyes. He only broke form his trance when Kanda’s boots appeared in the centre of his vision after a while. The man got closer to the edge of the platform to watch the train approaching.

“You should go to sleep when we get in, you look like shit.”

To that, Allen only let out a short humourless laugh, deciding against saying he honestly felt even worse than that.

#$%

It was unbearably tense and quiet between them as they were sitting in their compartment. Kanda was stubbornly looking outside the window like he usually did, leaving Allen to stew in his thoughts. Among all things, he knew Kanda didn’t do anything wrong. He was also aware he deserved that punch and even more than that. A thought crossed his mind that the swordsman didn’t get more violent out of pity and it was hard to bare, even if highly unlikely. There was no chance for him to win the man over like that, he had to get a hold of himself, it was not a time to break down. 

Feeling a tiny bit reassured, Allen finally let himself slowly drift off into unconsciousness, eyes staring at Kanda’s bloody knuckles. Last thing before falling asleep, he vaguely wondered if the man really had punched him that hard.


	3. Chapter 3

Kanda wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore. 

Allen was asleep and he could watch him without any fear of getting caught, thoughts spinning as he tried to figure his situation out. 

He kept convincing himself so vehemently that he should reject Allen once and for all, make it a closed case. But at the same time he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Like moments prior, when the bean was having his jealous fit – breaking him down would have been so easy. He could have told him whatever he wanted. Hell, he even could have lied that this damned George smartass had really fucked him and that it was amazing or something. 

Well, no, not that. He was pretty sure saying something like that would burn his lips like acid, but that was beside the point. 

The point was he just felt a twisted sense of _pride_ that he was able to bring Allen to such a state. Worse even, he hit him just to calm him down, aware that spiting insults was probably hurting the bean more that it did for Kanda to hear them. Being called a slut didn’t really affect him much, he felt it was kind of appropriate with how much his body needed sex at this point. And especially since the other exorcist’s behaviour did not only make him feel flattered, but also admittedly more than a bit turned-on. It was just so fucked-up. He was fucked-up. 

Though he supposed it was time to face the truth that he wasn’t any kind of deviant and his body didn’t in fact abnormally crave sex in general. It really craved Allen. Just Allen. But that wasn’t any better, no. Not even the tiniest damn bit.

Regardless of his opinion, that fact itself was painfully apparent looking at how repulsed he was by this George fuckass. He initially assessed him to be the type to just stare and do nothing besides maybe saying something distastefully obscene. So he thought it was safe to stay outside – out of the situation the bean fucking _brilliantly_ got them in. Kanda underestimated the guy though. He flexed his hand at the thought of him. His skin has already started to heal, but the wounds on his knuckles were still visible enough for him to study them with distaste. 

George tried to get Kanda to follow him to the back of the house by telling him there was a bench he could sit on as he waited and that he was about to go back to his work anyhow and could no longer ‘entertain him’. He was all the while flashing him smiles that were probably supposed to be sexy or something, Kanda wouldn’t know. And the only vague thought on his mind as he let himself be led was that Allen was probably going to flip it when he finds out Kanda is not really waiting for him. That in itself was enough for him to go. He have felt like they needed a good fight to get all the problems out of their systems and act civilized with each other again. 

Though he didn’t really mean to make Allen explode with this emotional kind of anger. It wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Then again, he blamed George for that. It couldn’t end well when the guy ditched his work to start hitting on him. Especially since he somehow managed to take his ‘do you want to lose your dick so much?’ as an invitation, only laughing that he liked rough guys anyway. Kanda’s fist was surely not the kind of rough he was expecting though. And the swordsman really did give him a chance to save himself, he received a last warning when he grabbed his ass, but didn’t listen. And Kanda was so nice as to give it only because exorcists weren’t really supposed to mess civilians up like that. 

Well― the truth was he still have probably punched him a bit too hard. But that was just his own fault for calling Allen a ‘weird looking loser without balls’ behind the bean’s back. He could tell that to the albino’s face if he had to – Kanda always thought of talking behind people’s backs as a sign of weakness. Though that probably didn’t excuse the way Kanda went out of his way to explain just before the hit that Allen could easily snap George’s red-neck person between his fucking fingers if he wanted to, but was just too nice to do that. And, well, Kanda wasn’t. 

It was obvious that bean sprout must have walked in on them somewhere before the punching part and the thought didn’t really sit well with Kanda. It was hard enough they even went on a mission together with Allen in such a fickle state of mind. 

He noticed something was wrong with him even before they departed form Head Quarters. He looked sad and tired and being aware it was probably his own, Kanda’s, fault was bothering the man more than he cared to admit. 

And then _this_.

Honestly, he felt like going back to Dukeshill just to punch George again. They didn’t need this. It couldn’t do them any good – the way Allen almost bled his feelings all over him.

Though couldn’t it really? Kanda guessed it depended on what he wanted to happen, but he wasn’t sure what the answer to this question was. 

He searched Allen’s face for some kind of hint, eyes lingering for a moment on the bruise contrasting way too much with his fair skin. 

Couldn’t the bean just punch him back? Really. It would have made things so much easier. Kanda, in fact, generally thought that it would be nice if they could only fuck and fight, not stopping to think about emotions or attachments. And it wasn’t even like he didn’t care about Allen. It was only that he wished he didn’t – for the sake of convenience and peace of his own mind. Because it really wasn’t easy the way he wanted to turn a blind eye, but still saw the feelings he was pretty sure the albino had for him. He refused to name them, but it didn’t make him as immune to them as he would have liked. Hell, he couldn’t even honestly say he really wanted Allen to redirect his interest – he often repeated that he wished for it in his mind, but he knew his reaction to something like that probably wouldn’t have been any better than Allen’s to George. Very likely worse, taking Kanda’s temper into account. 

His mind was such a mess, wasn’t there an easy way to just fix that?

Giving up, he let the matter rest unsolved. If thinking things through led to nowhere, he could as well stop, focusing on a much simpler task that was just watching.

It was apparent that Allen’s rest wasn’t all that peaceful. The couple of hours since he had closed his eyes he didn’t change his position even once, but his expression wasn’t as relaxed as one would expect a sleeping person to have. His eyebrows were a little scrunched up, lips slightly pressed together. One of his hands was even balled into a loose fist. The only normal thing was pretty much his steady breathing. 

It was unsettling in a way. It didn’t suit the bean sprout to be like this and Kanda admittedly felt a bit of guilt stirring inside of him, even if he tried to ignore it. Anyway, he didn’t let his mind go there. Thinking about how Allen’s face looked much better when it was relaxed seemed a wiser thing to do. Though maybe not really. Wondering if he could do anything to stop his lips from pressing against each other – deforming each other – wasn’t probably all that safe. 

He soon forced his attention to change focus again. A large forest was the only thing to be seen through the window for some time now. He knew very well where they were. He liked to remember the road each time he travelled by train and he went in every available direction plenty of times, so it was obvious for him they were about forty minutes away from the next stop – their stop. Thinking about that led his mind back to Allen. He would have to wake him, which wasn’t very good. He wished he could just leave him like that. Waking Allen up meant interaction after all. 

“Kanda!” 

The man thought that he had somehow, unknowingly, woke the albino up right then for roughly two seconds, but then was proven wrong in the most unexpected way as the door to their compartment suddenly slid open with a loud thud. It revealed a young woman, her face passive at first, but quickly twisting in horror. 

Then it all happened in a flash. 

The woman’s high-pitched shriek tore through the air, Allen’s cursed eye spinning furiously, Mugen slicing the already transforming Akuma in half. The albino wide awake, both exorcists immediately switched to the fighting stance. Weapons drawn, senses sharp, stupid communication problems between them instantly forgotten – at least until after the enemies are defeated. 

“I can’t even count them,” Allen mumbled vaguely, brows furrowing in worry much more than they did when he was asleep. Kanda didn’t have to ask to know he meant there was a large group of Akuma out there. 

They both moved to the aisle, quickly making a bunch of level ones dissipate into thin air. “The train’s full of them, but I don’t know what about people!,” the albino shouted over the bullets and explosions of the living weapons disintegrate, Kanda cursing nastily when the mayhem caused gaping holes to appear all over the vehicle’s roof and walls. “I’ll go check the drivers cab!,” was the last thing Kanda heard before Allen ran ahead. 

He broke into a sprint, swinging almost blindly at the creatures that were blocking his path. _Fuck_. Why, _why_ did he have to fall asleep. Being tired was not an excuse. They were on a mission, goddamit. He knew well enough that being an exorcist meant he could only rest while being in the Order’s quarters. And what happened to the passengers? Where were they? How many people have died? It was his fault, he knew that. His eye could have made it avoidable if he paid attention. 

He quickened his pace. It wasn’t a time for thinking about this now. The machine operator could still be alive if the train was in the move. Allen hoped the severe damage the vehicle suffered wasn’t going to make it stop or anything. It wouldn’t be an easy task to move it off the tracks if it stopped – and collision with the next train to take their route was to be avoided at any cost . As he neared the dining car, the attacks lessened and eventually stopped, but he saw more than enough of Akuma’s stupid tricks to be fooled like that. When he burst into the large section, the creatures were still disguised as humans eating in peace, only to break into panic right when they saw him. Their obvious plan to deliver a lethal strike in the chaos of faked running away failed because of his eye. He didn’t hesitate. Not even as some, in reality long since dead, little girl looked straight at his face, crying. His only focus was to save those souls, he couldn’t afford thinking about anything else. 

Driver’s cab was already close, he could hear a laugh through the hollow cries of the level ones. Destroying the last of them, he leaped forward to slide the door open. 

His jaw tightened when he saw the situation inside. The operator, very likely the only living person around besides him and Kanda, was pale, gagged and sweating. With eyes full of terror, he tried to look at Allen’s figure over his shoulder without moving his head too much. Because he couldn’t move, of course – the smiling creature standing next to him was threateningly resting its sharp claw on his throat.

“Oooh, an exorcist!” The level two would probably clap its oddly shaped hands in joy if one of them wasn’t occupied. “Let me guess, wanna save the fatty here?” He pointed at the man with his ridiculously long chin, laughing loudly. “I don’t know if I should let you, you know.”

“I’m not talking terms with you, let him go!,” Allen growled with his heart in his throat, ready to attack at any given second. He was warily observing the shaking man, too, praying for him no to do something reckless like people tended to when in a crisis situation like this. 

“Oh no, you’re so stiff. And you have no consideration for me, too! I have my orders!” The creature moved its free hand to place it over where a human would have a heart. Allen tried to calculate his options, but there was nothing he could do now. The Akuma had to make a move first.

“Don’t worry, you won’t live long enough to receive any punishment for disobeyment,” he said evenly, but the creature just smiled creepily.

“You think so?,” it asked in a suddenly deeper voice and Allen could do nothing as it just jerked its hand, sending the man’s head to the floor. It charged to attack in the exact same second, when the albino’s full of horror eyes were focused on the decapitated man. A loud “we’ll see about that!” rang in his ears as he let it sink that he just failed to save yet another person and suddenly the situation changed. 

The Akuma moved so fast. It didn’t waste the moment of surprise it created, burying its claws deep in Allen’s stomach and sending him flying through the demolished aisle coughing blood; before the exorcist could retaliate. He only stopped when he hit something with enough force to make him breathless for a moment, ending up in a messy heap on the floor. But there was too much adrenaline coursing through his veins for him to properly register the pain when the initial shock wore down. 

He cursed in his mind, aware it was dangerous to fight in such a cramped space with a close-range enemy like that. Even if he preferred the contact himself. 

With that in mind, he managed to climb on the roof of the still-racing train, immediately moving away from the level two following him. His steps were careful, mindful of the gaps that could make him fall right back inside. 

The Akuma charged in again, but he easily blocked the attack with his sword, immediately kicking the enemy away. It moved rapidly, all the time trying to fool him with feigned attempts to attack, but he wasn’t going to be taken by surprise again. Using Clown’s Belt to hold the not expecting enemy down, he quickly finished it off, unmindful of his ragged breath. 

He registered sounds of battle not too far away behind his back before he could even calm down and turned around only to see Kanda climb on the roof. He have probably finished all the level ones off by then, but was still dealing with an another level two, though obviously winning since the creature was trying to run away from him. The swordsman’s loose hair was flying everywhere when he moved in all his furious glory. Allen smiled minutely at the sight and was already going to join in and help him when the train suddenly lost its fluent movement, rattling threateningly. 

And Allen had only had enough time to curse himself for being stupid enough to forget what the operator’s death meant before the train just derailed. It collapsed to the side with an indescribable noise and then the wreck was sliding down a small slope – both exorcist trying to grab anything but at the end getting tossed around like useless rag dolls. Weaker trees broke from the impact as the train hit the edge of the forest, losing its momentum completely.

Allen opened his eyes with difficulty when everything stilled, clumsily crawling his way out of the wreck he somehow ended up inside of. 

“Kanda!,” he called urgently, managing to get up on his wobbly legs and forcing himself to run along the train to where his companion should be, panic clouding his thoughts. He almost cried in relief when he found him. The man was having a coughing fit, back resting on what was left from the vehicle.

“Shut up, I’m fine,” Kanda said trying to appear like he had everything under control, but the blood sliding down the side of his face kind of ruined that image for him.

“Sure. You don’t have a hole in your head either,” Allen mumbled and wanted to laugh, but sudden dizziness overwhelmed him, his legs ceasing to support him. Corners of his vision became blurred and the last thing he saw was Kanda’s face against the background of a night sky, his long black hair tickling his cheeks.

“Fucking idiot!,” Kanda said. And then there was nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

No. _No_. _Fuck_.

Allen’s heart was definitely beating. He was breathing, too, though heavily. But he didn’t. Fucking. _Move_. Thanks to the damned hole in his stomach that was still bleeding. 

Never in his life had Kanda thought he would regret not paying much attention to first aid as strongly as he did right that moment. He did know the basics, but Allen’s wound looked far too serious for him to actually know what to do without any supplies at hand. 

The bean’s uniform was in a really bad shape so he didn’t hesitate to fully open it by force. The shirt hidden under was soaked with blood, but he tore it all away, separating the clean upper half when he was done. He wrapped it around the wounded abdomen. It should help at least a little bit.

The albino’s breathing was getting worse rapidly and Kanda knew the situation called for a quick decision. They had to contact Head Quarters right away and, without Timcanpy, a phone was needed to do that. That already said, the only choices were the two stations they were stuck in between. Kanda guessed the distance to each was fairly similar, so he concluded it would be stupid to turn back and chose going ahead to their stop instead. It _sounded_ all nice and simple, but―

“God fucking dammit,” Kanda growled internally. 

He squatted over Allen’s hips, his front facing the legs. Trying not to think how he was kind of shoving his ass into the bean’s face, he reached with his hands to Allen’s arms. Then managed to pull at them in such a way that the albino’s chest rested on his back, white-haired head lolling uselessly over on his shoulder.

“Fuck,” he cursed once more, this time loudly, and carefully stood up. He had to remain bent down as he did so not to let Allen slide back to the ground.

Sure enough of his balance, he risked letting go of Allen’s arms and instead grabbed the underside of his knees. A small, relieved breath escaped him when nothing bad happened and he tentatively straightened his back. Not all the way though, the bean couldn’t really hold his neck after all. 

He could insult and belittle Allen all he wanted, but he didn’t have a single thought on leaving him behind. And he did things like that in the past – with Finders, mostly. This was different though. Kanda couldn’t even fathom the idea of going ahead alone. Even if just to get help. Though the only help he could count on was probably the Order, there wasn’t even any village on the way to the station that he knew of. That’s why his goal was ultimately the station. And he knew he still could go there alone, but he just had to be sure. Had to have bean sprout under his watch. 

Even hurting all over, he would go as far as to say getting the brat under professional care was the only focus he had that moment. And the feeling was strong enough that, even having difficulties walking himself, he had to resist the urge to start running. In fact, he only managed to do that because he knew that no one, not even someone like him, had enough stamina to run about twenty kilometres straight. With an unconscious person on their back, no less.

One step after another, it didn’t take too long for what he was doing to sink in. He was unreasonably risking both their lives just because he refused to part with the wounded exorcist. Felt this need to do what he felt was best for the albino, not the most practical. 

Fuck. Wasn’t that exactly the same as what Allen has done just a while ago on their last mission? And many times before that, in fact.

Weren’t they both just _hopeless_.

That and he normally would think more of his own state. Because maybe he couldn’t really die, but the pain was always real. The pain which he would just wait out if he was alone, letting his seal do the job. Because his side and head were really killing him. He also felt some minor cuts and gushes. Never minding that, he walked. 

Getting used to how he was constantly hurting, he managed to speed up after a while. It was really dark, however, so he couldn’t move too fast anyway. He had to observe the ground. 

Allen’s breathing accompanied him and he tried to focus on the fact that it was _still there_ , not on how erratic it was. With the bean’s head resting on his shoulder, he could also feel the feverish heat radiating against his own skin. But it was going to be okay. _Okay_. It had to be. 

All the while he was stubbornly telling himself that the albino can’t hear about this. About the way Kanda was abandoning any reason right now. It was just―

He knew perfectly well it wasn’t like him. He was supposed to be the one focused solely on the mission and the current task was to come back and report. He could have just done the shirt trick, could have remembered the train wreck position and tell the Order to come back for Allen. There wasn’t any need for more. It really had only slightly less chance of success than what he was actually doing. And that’s only presuming Kanda could pull it off not losing consciousness on his way to the goal.

If Allen got to know about this― He hated Kanda for not caring about people enough. So what would he think if he could see him now? He would probably look at him with those mind-reading eyes of his, wanting to know why he was treated differently. But even Kanda didn’t really know that. There was no way in hell bean sprout would get to solve it first.

Kanda was surprised to discover that things like that no longer mattered after two hours of walking. He walked, and walked, and walked and the panic steadily coursing through his mind haven’t lessened at all. His own breath was getting increasingly heavier. The wounds he had might have healed a bit by then, – maybe closed at least – but the blood he have lost wasn’t going to come back so fast. His head was spinning and arms were going numb from forcefully clutching Allen in an unchanging position. He didn’t want to risk rearranging his hold, because he didn’t trust himself to keep going if he disturbed the balance he had. 

Driven by the thought of how short the remaining distance was compared to what he had left behind already, he quickened his pace again. At this point he could imagine literally nothing worse than passing out before making it to the station. How would the situation go then? He had his golem, so the Order people could locate them any moment, but how much time had to pass before they even noticed something was wrong? I would have probably been too late for Allen. That just couldn’t happen.

He was so damn glad for his habit of observing through the train’s window all the time. Thanks to that he knew his surroundings well and he was sure he had done right when he strayed deep into the forest. It ought to be a shortcut. And it turned out it really was, thankfully. But among the trees it was even darker. Kanda could also feel that his senses have dulled. He needed rest and time to regenerate. Badly. But half-conscious walking through that big, overflowing with flora and fauna, forest wasn’t going to give him any of that. 

He honestly should have predicted it couldn’t end well. 

Sudden, intense pain shot through him as he felt a sharp metal pierce through the muscles of his calf. He cried out loud, caught off guard and almost let go of Allen, but fell to his knees instead. He only clenched his teeth and dug his fingers into the albino’s thighs for a while before he could start processing what has happened. 

He got himself caught in a fucking bear trap. It didn’t make much sense since there weren’t any bears in England, but Kanda just blamed the idiot who had dared set it. 

The only upside to this was that the agonizing pain has made his mind clearer in a way. He _really_ needed to hurry. _Fuck_. 

He was still clutching Allen, no doubt leaving him some bruises that could serve as a friendly reminder of that fucked-up excuse of a mission for quite long. And he didn’t want to let go. Very much so, in fact. He felt like something bad would happen if he did. But he had to free his leg. No other way around it. 

So he reluctantly released his hold, all the while remaining bent down in hopes that he could make it without Allen landing on the ground. His arms felt weak and useless as he moved them, skin unpleasantly tingling because of the numbness. In his position and with a not-that-light weight on his back, he couldn’t really look behind. He had to deal with the trap blindly. But he could do it. It was nothing compared to what he sometimes managed to pull off during battles. He just had to focus. Expertly calming his breath, he reached to his leg with both hands, wishing it wasn’t in fact as bad as it hurt. 

String of nasty curses slipped out when he felt rust on the metal under his fingertips, but he didn’t let it stop him. All the difficulties didn’t matter. He had to keep walking whatever happened. He almost laughed at the thought. It kind of sounded like that nonsense Allen always spluttered.

His fingers got a hold of the two sides of the trap, trying to pull it apart. The first try only served to make the spikes dig deeper into his flesh and he had to bite his lip bloody to prevent himself from making any sounds again. Second try was more successful, but when the metal vice was halfway open, he almost let his grip falter once again. He took to holding his breath, covered in sweat, eyes clenched shut. But then, one last pull and a quick jerk of his injured leg that was really agonizing enough to make lesser men faint and he was free. He inched a little forward on his knees, away from the trap and placed his hands flat on the ground in front of him, panting. Among all the other things, even his loose hair getting into his face irritated him as fuck.

 _Get up_. His mind screamed at him while he tried to catch his breath. It took a pained whine-like sound from Allen to make his body move. 

The rest of the way was all a hazy blur. His mind registered later events in nothing but a few bright flashes. He knew he somehow managed to walk. Then there was the station, people staring in horror. The two of them must have been a pretty grotesque sight – one almost-dead person carrying another. His goal was the telephone, but his legs finally gave out on him on the way. So he wasn’t entirely sure how he made it, but the last thing he was aware of was growling at Komui through the line. 

“Bean sprout’s bleeding.” 

#$%

Kanda had died there. 

According to Komui at least. He could hardly argue with that. He knew well enough how dying felt. It wasn’t like it have never happened before. And the fact itself really didn’t bother him much. He was as used to it as anyone could ever get – not that many people could pull off dying and then living on like it was nothing. What bothered him were the circumstances. He explained Komui as much as he actually had balls to spell out, which was a bare minimum, but he still admittedly didn’t want to have to repeat that. Ever. 

He didn’t regret helping Allen, no. But one thing he really wanted was to fucking keep it all a secret after all. From everyone and the bean sprout himself especially. Because― 

There was more people than he could count that he didn’t care about. And lucky few that mattered for him. Allen was beyond all doubts in the second category, he could admit that much. But so were Lenalee and probably Lavi and then some others, too. But could he really do for them what he did for Allen? It wasn’t even only a matter of a mindset, he fucking _forced his broken body to mov _e to help him. He felt the weight of that fact so much that something changed in his thinking slowly the more he thought about that. Having Allen almost die on him has flipped some kind of switch he wasn’t sure he wanted fiddled with.__

__As he was struggling with that in his forced free time during the hospitalization, all kinds of doubts drifted through his mind. Like – was caring so much about another person actually healthy? The thought of how he had first woke up came back to bother him frequently. He could still taste his panic, his fear for Allen’s life. And then the immense relief when he had noticed that bean sprout was right there, in a bed right next to his. And alive, no less. After that, Kanda had gone right back to sleep. Almost as if that violent, emotional reaction had drained all the energy he had managed to restore up until then._ _

__Second time he opened his eyes, probably few hours later, the Head Nurse was in the room. She obviously came to check on the still-unconscious Allen and was fiddling with some medical equipment that Kanda wasn’t even able to name. But whatever it was the she was actually trying to do, it didn’t seem urgent and that fact alone told him that Allen was going to be fine. So he didn’t intend to ask about his state, there wasn’t any need to._ _

__However, when the elder woman has finally noticed her other patient was awake, she sent him a look that made him feel busted – as if she knew his every thought. And he didn’t say _anything_. Why in hell would she look at him like he just did the most fucking heart-warming thing ever? He was just… watching. _ _

__“Is something the matter, Kanda?,” she asked with a little smile. Kanda felt his eye twitch at that._ _

__“No.” He clicked his tongue, turning in bed to face the wall and not her._ _

__He had always felt uncomfortable in her presence. Since _ever_ , really. With how he practically grew up in Head Quarters after fleeing Asia Branch, the woman had plenty of time to get to know him. And, over the years, has come to think of herself, dare he put it this way, as his _grandma_ or something. Though it really was apparent only in private. _ _

__“Is that so?,” he heard the question filled with bemusement and immediately hoped she would take her leave in a matter of few minutes and just let him be. He couldn’t have been more wrong._ _

__“Lie on your back if you would,” she demanded and then manhandled him as she pleased, most likely knowing he wasn’t going to listen to her anyway. After tearing the blankets away from him, she started rewrapping his wounds. “How are you feeling?” The inevitable question came after a while._ _

__“Never been better,” he gritted through his teeth, but she just smirked at that. What came next was a conversation he probably wasn’t going to ever forget._ _

__The Head Nurse never asked questions. She was the kind of person that just did their job and did it good. Kanda admittedly liked that about her. She gave off an aura of the same kind of dutifulness that he himself sported. That’s why he simply _couldn’t_ understand why in hell would she choose that particular time to change her usual behaviour. _ _

__She asked him what has happened to his leg at first. And no, that in itself wasn’t what aggravated Kanda the most. It was the way she had been looking at him. Like she was, uh, proud? Or even _worse_. Whatever that could be._ _

__He haven’t even considered telling the truth and quickly barked some made-up stuff about a level two with metal teeth – a story that sounded pretty legit in his own ears, but his efforts were fruitless. She could obviously tell when he was lying. She always did. But it seemed it wasn’t at all what she wanted to talk about anyway._ _

__“You really saved Mr. Walker here. I think you should know that.” She gestured at Allen with her head as she said that. “You were… too out of it” – _dead_ – “to see it, but we had to react quickly for his condition not to get too serious.”_ _

__“It’s just a bean sprout,” he mumbled what he considered a safe response. The ‘Mr. Walker’ part was the only thing he felt he could address._ _

__“Your pet names don’t really concern me,” she laughed, shaking her head at him. The way it was worded could be about how Kanda called people in general, but he somehow knew it was about how he and Allen were always insulting each other just for the hell of it. “It’s good to see you care. Very relieving.” The last part was muttered under her breath, but that somehow made it even worse._ _

__When she moved away from him to leave the room with a smile and a reassuring “he’ll be fine,” Kanda wanted to start throwing things at her. Instead he just grumpily muttered “it’s fucking fantastic” and, again, turned around to face the painfully perceptive woman with his back._ _

__Almost a whole day has passed after that and Allen had yet to wake up. Bet even in Kanda’s eyes, untrained in such matters, he appeared much healthier already. He stopped sweating and his face looked better. Meaning his normal pale, not pale like the dead. Though the soft neck brace he had on worried the swordsman a bit. He hoped that whatever happened to the bean’s neck, haven’t been made worse with how he had carelessly carried him around._ _

__As for Kanda himself, he felt quite fine. Physically. But in all honesty, that was hardly a plus. He had never though such a day in his life would come, but he didn’t really―_ _

__He didn’t want to leave the Hospital Wing just yet. It sounded like a heresy and thinking about that made his skin prickle, but that didn’t make it any less true. He just wanted to make sure that everything was fine with his own eyes. His mind helpfully presented him with the idea he could always flee after bean sprout wakes up. It was a good plan. He could put his discomforting worries to rest and get away before anyone would notice that he was still in bed despite medically having no reason to. Because he would have never heard the end of it._ _


	5. Chapter 5

Things were… complicated. 

Though not really. It depended on whose opinion was being asked of. As far as Kanda was concerned, it was safe to say the situation was completely fucked up. It’s been another day since the swordsman decided to wait until the bean wakes up and still nothing happened. That is, Kanda suspected Allen woke up for a while when he himself was asleep, but he couldn’t be sure. So he waited. Waited and observed the clearly not-so-peacefully sleeping bean sprout. Sleeping, not unconscious. It was clear as the day that he wasn’t just vegetating anymore with the way he sometimes stirred in bed only to release a displeased grumble at the pain he surely felt whenever he moved the wrong way.

It meant that he was just fine now, but Kanda found himself unable to leave yet. Why? He wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like he wanted them to talk. Nothing good could come out of it. But still there he was, patched up like a dying person despite of the fact that for a few hours the only thing his body was dealing with were bruises. 

It was evening, but Hospital Wing was underground anyway, so the light was always just the few lamps that were in the room. The soft lightning and deep silence were putting his mind at ease and he took to kind of half-meditating.

“Kanda…?”

Despite the fact he was waiting for it, the weak voice was startling enough to almost make him jump. He didn’t respond, hesitantly letting himself to quietly face Allen. The silver eyes were trying to reach him, but didn’t seem to be able to. The bean was lying on his back and the neck brace successfully prevented him from moving his head. It kind of calmed Kanda down. Whatever expression was on his face, he didn’t want the other exorcist to see it. 

“You’re here, right?,” Allen asked again, his words becoming more even as he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah,” the swordsman heard himself answer, too many uncomfortable emotions stirring in him when that made bean sprout smile weakly.

“Are you alright, then?”

“You should worry about yourself, I’m not the one able to move only my fucking mouth,” he answered snappishly, grimacing when Allen only laughed at that. 

“But you’re still here, aren’t you? You must have been hurt pretty badly, too.”

Fair enough. For Kanda to not be healed after three days, he would have to be almost chopped to pieces or something. Not die of petty blood loss and wound infection. Not that he was going to say that out loud.

“The Head Nurse told me something about your leg, too. I’m… sorry you had to fight alone,” Allen’s self-blaming tone was making Kanda’s blood boil. 

Yeah, fight. With a fucking _bear trap_.

“A level two surprised me. That’s all. And I’m _fine_ , cretin.”

“Yeah, I suppose you are if you’re bitching at me like that,” he snorted.

“I’m not _bitching_ ,” Kanda growled, minutely disappointed Allen couldn’t see him glare. 

“You are though.” Allen closed his eyes, still smirking slightly. He clearly gave up on trying to observe Kanda in his peripheral vision. “And I guess things like a surprise attack can still harm us, huh? Even from a level two. I…,” he trailed off for a second, expression drooping, but quickly gathered his wits. “A level two has taken the machine operator hostage and I couldn’t save him. It killed him just for the element of surprise in attacking me.”

Kanda wasn’t a man who went out of his way to comfort someone, but―

“You can’t save everyone.”

He could say that much. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” His smile came back, but was still marred with sadness. Becoming absorbed in his thoughts, he fell silent for a while and Kanda, surprisingly enough even for him, patiently waited. He had a feeling Allen still had something to say. 

“Kanda―,” Allen began, not sure how to put his thoughts into words. “I’m― Sorry for that thing before the attack. It’s not my business what you do and with who. I know that.” His apologies were sincere, but thinking about how that man grabbed Kanda’s ass was still rubbing him the wrong way.

It took the swordsman a while to answer, he was too busy watching the albino’s face. It sure was convenient after all – the way how he could see Allen, but Allen couldn’t see him. 

“Yeah. It’s not,” he murmured, but then continued before he could stop himself. “The most intimate I got with this guy was when I broke his jaw though.” He had an urge to slap his forehead. What was he even saying that for? He shouldn’t feel so inclined to explain himself. But he did. _Well_ ― it only further proved how screwed he really was in this whole situation with the bean.

“Oh.” Allen’s eyebrows shot up and then― “Shit, I called you a― And it took you so long to get to the station, because―”

“I went to look for your sorry ass,” Kanda finished for him, fighting a little smile when Allen covered his eyes with his forearm in embarrassment, cheeks tinted red.

“ _Jesus_. I’m such an idiot, sor―”

“Just shut up about it.” The swordsman clicked his tongue. “I’ve already punched you for that.”

“Yeah… you did,” the younger male let out a short, unsure laugh. “―you just rolled your eyes, didn’t you?”

Kanda, in fact, did and had to double check if bean sprout really couldn’t see him. But yes, there sure was no such option. 

“Smartass,“ he commented and Allen’s eyes twinkled, but his expression quickly turned into something more serious. 

“Me saying that is probably not in my own best interest, but... You know why I acted like this, don’t you?,” intent was clear in his tone and Kanda understood well enough that he had an opinion on that one already, regardless of the swordsman’s answer. 

Yet he hesitated. Should he really let Allen think that? He could always try to deny it. Maybe the albino would back away if given the chance. Playing dumb so he wouldn’t think he was so out in the open with his feelings could do the trick. But did he really want that?

“Yeah,” he admitted, wondering how fast he was going to regret saying this. 

“ _That_ obvious, huh?,” Allen muttered to himself, closing his eyes again and wondered what was he supposed to make of that. Was it a rejection? In all honesty, it didn’t sound like one. “Do you―”

“Go sleep,“ Kanda interrupted him quickly, feeling like he has already reached his limits of talking openly for the day. Hell, for a year even. He wasn’t that type of person. 

Allen sighed quietly. He was aware he probably already achieved more that night than he did last few months. It should be enough for now. And sleep sounded like a good idea anyway, his body was still regenerating. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow then.”

#$%

Kanda didn’t really plan to stay there another day, but―

Yeah. He did. Sole prospect of continuing the topic of their relation was giving him all sorts of unpleasant reactions, but on top of that was a curiosity. Not about how Allen felt exactly – he knew well enough how. It was just―

How it was even going to go from now on? He still wanted Allen. Very much so, in fact. But he couldn’t convince himself something happening between them was a good idea, that much hasn’t changed. What if it would make the bean matter even more for him? Their _thing_ was distracting enough as it was. Battlefield wasn’t a place for this. That’s what he thought, but at the same time he found himself wishing Allen could do something to convince him otherwise. 

They both woke up really early that day – early enough for Allen to almost starve to death during their long wait for the Head Nurse. And it really said something about the hour, because the woman usually started her daily routine of checking on all of her patients at approximately eight in the morning. So, as they waited, Allen busied himself with making a mental list of what he would like to eat. And, sure, he still did have this thing that has supplied him with all needed nutrition while he had been unconscious, – how would he still be alive otherwise, with his demanding body and all – but it was simply not the same and not enough.

Meanwhile, Kanda was kind of dying. Those horrible, horrifying noises that Allen’s stomach always made when empty never ceased to drive the swordsman mad every time he heard them. At some point he honestly had half a mind to just get out of the bed and bring him some snack at least – his ‘injured’ leg be damned. Because why yes, Kanda was still in the hospital wing and his perfectly healed calf was tightly wrapped in bandages just to justify it. 

To be honest, he kind of got himself cornered. Because firstly, it would be really out of the blue if he just left now. Secondly, he really, despite himself, still didn’t _want_ to leave. And thirdly, he had no idea how to make himself staying seem perfectly normal. 

Should he simply ignore the Head Nurse once she comes and hope she’ll treat him the same in return, meaning won’t even comment on his presence? Or maybe he could, disregarding his own conscience, simply simulate? But what could he even say? ‘My leg still hurts’? ‘Oh, I think I’ve got a fever’? Ridiculous. Like he could do any of that.

Worrying about everything all at once made Kanda so edgy that when the door finally opened , he was ready to kill. 

But to his surprise it wasn’t the Head Nurse at all. And it usually was her that took care of them. Rest of the personnel refused to come in contact with Kanda if not absolutely necessary. Not that he blamed them. The one time when, as a child, he took the syringe away from a nurse tending to him and injected the contents in her arm had probably something to do with it. 

Regardless, the Head Nurse must have been busy with something else if she had sent her subordinates to do the work. And they, unsurprisingly enough, really did ignore Kanda which Allen was a little suspicious of, but said nothing. The albino has then slept most of the day again, talking to Kanda about useless things whenever he was awake. The long haired man tried to appear more irritated than he really was about that. And then the actual threat came, much later, when the swordsman has already put his guard down. 

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Head Nurse said with a slight nod, then adding a “I’m glad to see you in quite a good shape, Mr. Walker” in Allen’s direction. The bean just smiled in reply.

Kanda was sitting with a cushion tucked behind his back again, his lips pressed into a thin line and eyes taking in every detail of the scene unfolding. 

“How are you feeling?,” the woman asked.

“Much better,” the albino said distractedly and, before she could even start worrying about his unfocused gaze, his stomach burped loudly. Smiling embarrassedly, he covered it with his hands through the covers, as if in hopes to silence it. “Just a little bit hungry,” he laughed shortly. 

He already had three fucking meals that day. Kanda wondered how it was possible that Allen ate even _more_ than normally when he was recovering. And when he was nervous, too. Or sad, now that he thought about it. The fucking glutton. 

The woman hummed in understanding, smiling slightly.

“I’ll get someone to inform Jerry as soon as I’m done here. It’s a good thing you have your appetite.” Kanda scoffed at that remark, but soon regretted it as it served to bring the woman’s attention to him. “Is there a problem, Mr. Kanda? Do you want me to take care of your wounds first?,” she asked, giving him a meaningful look with her eyebrows high on her forehead. 

Kanda was screwed. She fucking knew he was perfectly fine, no need checking it – through the years, estimating his healing time came as a second nature to her. And now she was going to tell on him. He could _bet_ she was going to tell on him. _Damn_. He should have just stayed fucking silent. 

Clenching his fists, he shot her a daring glare. “Whatever.”

She took it as a ‘yes’, apparently. 

“You’ll have to excuse me,” the woman said, bowing her head slightly in Allen’s direction. Then she moved to stand by the other’s bed.

The albino was trying to observe it all from the corner of his eye, but it again proved to be too difficult. It made him furrow his eyebrows. He really wanted to know how serious Kanda’s injuries were. He couldn’t trust the man to simply tell him after all. Because really – what had to happen to the other exorcist if he was still here with him?

Meanwhile, Kanda was kind of in a state of shock. Though he tried not to show it, obviously. But damn was it hard. Because seriously, what was that woman plotting, rewrapping his _healthy_ leg? And healthy meaning no longer having as much as a _miscolouring_. Searching for some kind of answer, he looked away from his supposed injury and into her face. Only to meet her smirk. _Fuck_. 

Studying her with his whole body tense, he waited for some catastrophe to happen. However, to his utter bewilderment, nothing ventured. The woman has just finished her task, beside his leg also dealing with his torso and tied the bandages neatly for them to stay intact and moved away, shooting him a meaningful look. Was she… _helping_ him or something? _What the fuck?_ How did she even know he still wanted to stay? Unfortunately, there was no way he could get an answer to his question right then. It wasn’t like he could ask. Not with the awake bean sprout around. But, well, he doubted he’d ask the woman anything even if the circumstances were ideal. He couldn’t even imagine himself doing that. 

As he was battling with his thoughts in silence, the woman moved to the other bed. He absentmindedly followed her with his gaze. 

“I believe we can remove the brace. Do you feel any pain in your neck?,” she asked and Kanda barely heard Allen reply with a “no”, because he has just realized something. She had tended to him first because she wanted the bean to not be able to see it, hadn’t she? She probably planned to remove the brace all along after all and without it Allen would stare at her rewrapping Kanda’s supposed wounds. 

Kanda observed then as she took off the brace, taking in the far too sensual-sounding soft groan of relief the albino let out, intrigued eyes observing as the pale neck stretched, Allen’s normal arm rubbing it to loosen the tension in his muscles. The swordsman became so absorbed in staring that he didn’t quite register the silver eyes finally turning to him. A slight surprise appeared in them when Kanda, caught staring, didn’t turn away and just lowered his eyelids, as if daring the bean to question his behaviour. Allen’s gaze became more intense at that, a provocative glint appearing in his eyes. 

Damn. Why weren’t they alone yet?

As the nurse took off Allen’s shirt to tend to his wound, Kanda’s eyes automatically found the visible part of the pale torso, tracing the defined muscles all the way up to his surprisingly strong-looking, mismatched shoulders. He had seen Allen shirtless countless times, but it never ceased to amaze him how he managed to chisel his lithe form.

“Looks like it’s healing nicely since it closed, but try not to use your stomach muscles too much.” The voice of the Head Nurse startled him out of eating Allen up with his gaze, but the bean was far worse. He sputtered for a while before he could even answer her. Kanda could bet he forgot she was still with them for a while there. He couldn’t lie to himself that it didn’t please him a little. Amazing how he could capture the albino’s mind with his eyes alone. 

The woman has already changed Allen’s bandage, but was still adjusting it as well as a few minor ones. It took a few long moments before she finally declared that she finished her business here for now and exited the room, leaving them in silence that got a bit awkward for reasons Kanda couldn’t understand. 

“So, um, was Komui here to collect the report yet?,” the albino asked, staring at the ceiling despite the fact he no longer had to.

And really, did he honestly want to talk about Komui now? Was he getting embarrassed all of sudden or what? Not that Kanda planned to encourage him to talk about their… thing. Not at all.

“He did. But you’ll probably have to talk to him later, too. Since we had split up in the train,” Kanda said boredly, his face twisting in distaste. 

“And what about the trap, did you tell him?”

The word ‘trap’ made Kanda stiffen up in less than a second. Because Allen couldn’t know, could he? He was passed out, for Christ’s sake. The swordsman refused to face the albino however, waiting what else he was about to say. He was going to jump on an occasion if he got one and deny he ever did anything with all he was. 

“Because it _was_ a trap, right? I mean, Akuma don’t usually act like this. It wasn’t a sudden attack. They were already there,” Allen explained, eyeing his companion suspiciously. 

Meanwhile Kanda fought not to show the relief he felt. 

“I’m pretty sure my eye could have noticed them whenever it was that they got in that train if I wasn’t―”

“A jealous little git,” the swordsman supplied helpfully with a deadpan expression. The mission was one topic he wanted to avoid, but he didn’t consciously realized what his biting response brought to mind. 

“―sleeping. But _thank you_ , Kanda,” Allen replied with a hint of amusement.

Kanda was acting weird. His behaviour wasn’t exactly inviting, but Allen couldn’t get rid of the impression that he was getting kind of impatient. He thought he should stall their conversation for a bit, wait until later to be sure no one was going to interrupt them, but… 

The silence was long enough that it became apparent the initial conversation topic was being abandoned. 

“Will you hear me out, Kanda?”

Allen’s tone and expression were serious enough that misunderstanding the situation would make Kanda as emotionally challenged as everyone thought him to be. 

“What would you do if I told you I won’t?”

Kanda of course had to be difficult. 

“I’d talk anyway, so you’d just have to ignore me.” Allen offered a weak smile, holding Kanda’s gaze as the man studied his face.

Kanda’s only response was crossing his arms over his chest, gaze not faltering.


	6. Chapter 6

"I’m… tired, Kanda,” Allen said with a sad smile. “I feel like I’m pretty much obvious right now, but I still don’t know what you think about all that.”

Kanda only grunted at that, unable to find any words and even much less look right at the other exorcist. Was he supposed to try to defend himself right now or actually give the bean sprout some kind of answer?

“If you’re not interested… in me.” The sentence just hanged awkwardly for a moment, unfinished. “You should have just told me to fuck off. Jesus,” Allen released a sigh and closed his eyes, clearly uncomfortable. Kanda admittedly didn’t really like the scenario the albino just brought up.

“Would you?” Kanda’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, but Allen was more surprised about the fact that he spoke up at all. 

“Fuck off? Well, no. Probably.” Bean sprout seemed deep in thought. “Not if you just said that once anyway. But you can be stubborn, too,” he laughed shortly at that. But Kanda didn’t find that funny at all, not with the way Allen’s fists tightened on the bed sheets. 

Fuck. He really was hopeless, wasn’t he? The way he let Allen on for such a long time was short of heartless. Even if it was just because he was too stupid to be able to build up some kind of resolve. Still, the worst of all was probably how lost were the silver eyes when he glanced at them. So much that he looked away in an instant. He didn’t want to break Allen. He didn’t mean it. He much preferred the cheeky brat he normally was. Well, in front of Kanda anyway. 

“Just say it, Kanda. Fucking look at me and say that I should give up. Because I fucking can’t make that damned decision myself!,” Allen seemed angry. More at himself than at Kanda, but very likely just at them both. 

“No,” Kanda said, not really even thinking what he was doing, but just letting what he had on his mind be voiced. 

“What?”

“I’m not going to say that,” he repeated, finally making himself look straight at Allen’s surprised face. 

“Then what are you… What do you even expect of me?” Hope in his voice was badly concealed with irritation. Kanda didn’t answer though and just stood up slowly. 

“For now, you can just shut up,” he said and Allen stared at him angrily. 

“I just can’t fucking believe you, Kanda! Can’t you treat this seriously? I’m…”

And he didn’t finish. Because in whole truth Kanda has finally decided what to do and was as serious as one could get. The albino’s words stuck in his throat as the other male casually propped himself up on his bed, expression straight, but eyes heated. Allen tried as well as he could to gather his wits, but half-formed questions were the only thing he could manage. And that was _if_ he finally found his voice, which was hard because Kanda got closer to him, long black hair teasing the skin of his face.

Then the albino only managed to open his mouth and suddenly there were warm lips moving against his own hungrily, making his body instantly heat up, mind going only emptier. His eyes closed tightly shut and a hand shot up to tangle in the silky strands in a desperate need to keep Kanda right where he was, hell-bent on not letting go. It didn’t seem like the swordsman wanted to go anywhere this time, however. Heart hammering in his chest, Allen felt Kanda’s tongue slide past his lips, effectively muffling the moan that wanted to break free. 

The kiss turned fierce as Allen found it in himself to respond, his head soon starting to spin from all the sensations he was longing for. He felt Kanda’s chest rest on his, the heartbeat rivalling his own, and the weight was making it gradually harder for him to breathe, but it couldn’t make him want to break the contact. 

So even as separating for quick intakes of oxygen became a necessity and Kanda pressed harder into him, he still twisted his tongue around Kanda’s mouth feverishly, ignoring the burning in his lungs. But the swordsman wasn’t exactly comfortable, either. He sat himself on the bed beside Allen’s body, so he had to twist his hips quite painfully to keep going like that. So he finally, reluctantly, broke the kiss, tugging at the albino’s bottom lip with his teeth as he did so. The groan he earned for that made an excited shiver run up his spine.

“Kanda...,”Allen breathed his name _just so_ , voice tinted with amazement, and was rewarded for it with a few kisses to his neck. At least that was before Kanda decided to quickly rearrange himself. Lifting his ass from the bed, he moved to straddle his fellow exorcist’s hips, staring hotly down at him tensing with anticipation. 

“Sudden change of mind…?,” the albino spoke up again, breath hitching when Kanda moved his hips jerkily, brushing their building erections together _hard_. It didn’t look like he was going to get an answer, but soon it didn’t matter because the man moved again, bending down for another kiss that effectively muffled his loud reaction. 

Forearms rested on both sides of white-haired head, Kanda moved his body in an impatient way as Allen’s tongue caressed his in just the right way. It swiped against his teeth and lips, making Kanda respond with doubled enthusiasm, the kiss no longer only tongues, but also teeth and wandering hands.

The swordsman sighed almost inaudibly as he felt his sweater being slid down his arms. He wasn’t even aware how uncomfortably hot he was beginning to feel in his clothes. With that in mind, he, without braking the eye contact even for a second, sat up to discard his shirt, too. Allen seemed feverish, all his attention focused on how the long, silky strands spilled over the strong shoulders, contrasting with the creamy skin of his torso. Kanda smirked at that, expecting to immediately have a horny bean sprout all over him again. 

Nothing happened.

Well, nothing besides a violent, seemingly out of nowhere, struggle of the body beneath him. Kanda observed it with a pissed off, confused scowl on his face. And the definitely most disturbingly idiotic thing ever was the albino’s expression. A weird mix of embarrassment, determination, irritation and something that looked a bit like pain. Kanda frowned some more, but then Allen abruptly ceased all movement, covering silver eyes with his palm in exasperation. “Fuck”, he cursed loudly, making the other man all the more surprised. 

“What the hell, bean sprout? Come up here, you moron.” Kanda said in a tone not that much different from his life-threatening one. Because really, what was this cursed brat even doing, trying to ruin the mood or what?

“Well, uh, I’m _trying_ , okay?,” Allen must have recovered from this puddle of shame he was drowning in just a second ago. At some degree at least, for he was now glaring at Kanda with passion. 

“What do you mean ‘ _trying_ ’? What’s so difficult in _that_?,” the long haired man scoffed. 

“Could you just stop whining and help me up?,” Allen snapped at him, one hand reaching up expectantly. 

Allen’s serious, insistent expression made Kanda do it without a complaint. Though he still didn’t really get what was the problem. So, the second they were on the same level again, Kanda opened his mouth, prepared to bitch at Allen about it some more, but the moment he did that, a warm tongue slithered inside, cutting him off. His head was pulled down a bit, a hand at the nape of his neck. He was admittedly ticked off by bean sprout’s boldness, but too aroused not to cooperate. 

The black hand found his bare chest and caressed it unhurriedly, rough skin against his nipples making him groan quietly around Allen’s tongue. Completely focused on his body’s demands once again, Kanda’s hands reached up to return Allen’s favour, taking off the sweater for him and then slipped under the shirt, intending to slide it up along with his palms, but his fingers met something he wasn’t consciously expecting. Abruptly breaking the kiss and lifting the thin material to reveal stomach, he immediately looked down. What he saw was a huge patch and bandages wrapped tightly around it, covering Allen’s abdomen almost completely. 

“Ugh”, Kanda said intelligently. Right. The wound. Well, fuck, he felt stupid. The whole can’t-sit-up thing obviously made sense. He couldn’t understand how he forgot about this damn thing. He saw it being rewrapped minutes ago, _for fuck’s sake_. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly, looking back up at the albino’s sour face. The massive bandage made Kanda hesitate. As okay as he was with hitting Allen on daily basis, he didn’t necessarily want to cause him any serious harm. And especially not like _this_ , fucking a barely-living person would have been just wrong. He was about to open his mouth and say something along the lines, though he wasn’t sure yet what exactly, but Allen covered his mouth with his palm, looking him straight in the eye stubbornly. That made a vein pop out on the swordsman’s forehead, but he stayed relatively still. And seeing as Kanda was going to – grudgingly – hear him out, the younger male moved his hand away and quickly took off his shirt. 

“I’m just fine, I won’t drop dead _that_ easily,” he said before reaching with his lips to Kanda’s jaw as soon as the piece of clothing hit the ground with a quiet rustle. Raking his nails lightly over the man’s back, he trailed wet kisses up to a tiny area right below his ear, making darkened blue eyes close.

“I don’t care about your wellbeing,” Kanda murmured for the sake of being a dick, absently caressing Allen’s spine and shoulder blades with his palms.

“Then there is no problem, is there?,” Allen answered calmly right before licking, and then sucking at the sensitive spot, no doubt leaving a mark there. Kanda bit down any sounds that may have wanted to escape his mouth and, just like that, any thoughts of fatal wounds were gone from his mind.

Allen completely hid his face at the crook of the man’s neck – a perfect place, seeing as it was ideally at his eye level with Kanda on his lap. He relentlessly abused the skin there with kisses and licks and nibbles, making the man nearly go insane. Damn, he really never knew his neck was so sensitive. His hands were wandering, but a moment came when he didn’t have it in him to focus on doing anything and just tangled his hands in the white hair, letting his head drop backwards, wanting to increase the access bean sprout had to him. He was breathing heavily, hips jerking out of pure need to _feel_ more and he suddenly wondered why the fuck they still weren’t naked. But it was only before he realised the blessing of pyjama-like, elastic band pants they both had on.

Moving his hips away from Allen’s just enough to fit his hand in between, he easily slipped it under the two thin layers of material that separated him from the hot cock and wrapped his fingers around it, tugging teasingly. It elicited a surprised moan from the younger male and Kanda noticed with satisfaction that the albino stopped his ministrations, just panting uselessly against his skin. He slowly circled the head with his thumb and smeared the pre cum that was gathering there down the throbbing length and Allen shivered a little, downright sinking his teeth in the flesh right in front of him not to make too much noise. He had to keep in mind they weren’t in an exactly private setting after all. Kanda bit his lip for the same reason and started sliding his palm up and down the heavy shaft in his hold, hardly believing how insanely arousing that felt. Somehow, there suddenly were hands on his ass, cupping it through the fabric, tightening their grip every time he gave a harsher squeeze. Allen’s lips went right back to what they were doing, too, and feeling the sensual tortures on his jaw and neck and shoulders, Kanda couldn’t ignore the painfully hard erection in his own pants anymore. 

He withdrew his sticky hand from under the fabrics and reached to himself, his groan dying when it met his clenched jaws on its way. A few harsh jerks helped him a little, but it wasn’t even remotely what he felt he needed. His hands reached behind him to cover the ones resting on his buttocks and made them slide under the elastic band where they instantly gave a squeeze. Trying to ignore the slight irritation at Allen’s little smile he quirked against his skin at the obvious lack of underwear, Kanda focused on what he wanted to do.

He leaned forward with his whole body, burying his face in Allen’s white strands and urged his hips forward, making their clothed erections press together. Impatient tugs made their pants go as far down as they would in this position and Allen let out an involuntary moan when it turned out to be just enough for their engorged members to touch skin to skin. Kanda’s hand wasn’t enough to fit around them both, but it didn’t seem to matter as long as it managed to guide them to slide against each other.

“Oh God, Kanda...,” Allen, his voice huskier than ever, babbled mindlessly as he threw his head back. That made the long haired man shiver a little, air suddenly cold against the abused, wet from saliva column of his neck the albino detached himself from. Under insistent moves of Kanda’s hand and hips, Allen had it hard to keep quiet and finally he attacked the man’s lips, kissing him deeply, moaning around their tongues with every harsher jolt of pleasure. They easily got lost in it. As Kanda’s mind clouded over with lust, movement of his hand turned frantic and kiss sloppy, he wondered somewhere at the back of his mind why in hell he hesitated for so long. He really _needed_ this. They both did. It felt so good he was a hair’s breadth from coming just like that. Immeasurable heat pooled in the pit of his abdomen and he didn’t have it in himself to stop. Thankfully, as climax was almost there, Allen suddenly broke the kiss, clutching Kanda’s arm with both his hands, making it cease all movement.

“Kanda, fuck... stop, _stop_... ugh.” Barely having control over his voice due to his heavy breathing, Allen, eyes clenched shut and head rested against the other man’s chest, reached to pry Kanda’s hand off of their cocks, entwining their fingers instead. Which made the swordsman reconsider for a second if he really knew what he was getting himself into. He could already feel Allen’s mushiness poured over him in buckets in the near future. But he didn’t say anything, trying to come down from his near-orgasmic state.

And they just stayed like that for a while, trying to even their breaths and unclusterfuck their thoughts.

“Sorry,” Allen begun softly, breaking the silence and lifting his head to look at Kanda. “If you wanted to... finish like that, it’s okay. I just kind of wasn’t thinking, so yeah. Sorry,” he said honestly.

It made Kanda furrow his eyebrows. What a dumb thing to apologize for. Not to mention it was him, Kanda, who nearly fucked everything up. He waited too long for that to be satisfied by just going halfway. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he scoffed, more embarrassed than anything. 

And then, feeling kind of awkward, but mind set not to show it, Kanda just lifted his ass from Allen’s lap and moved off of him, gracefully placing his bare feet on the floor. Allen observed him with wide eyes, look of sheer horror slowly taking over his features. 

“Hey, wait, don’t... Kanda, _no_ ,” Allen raised his voice a little, urgency in it so obvious that he himself felt pathetic for that. If Kanda wanted to just walk away and leave him with a boner like that, there really wasn’t much he could do about it in his state.

“Shut up, you fucking cripple, I’m not going anywhere,” the swordsman responded in a clipped tone, too caught up with the task at hand to tease Allen for his foolish behaviour. 

His eyes drifted minutely to the side as he felt not necessarily as comfortable as he wanted the albino to think he felt. He hooked his thumbs under the elastic band of his pants and slid it down his tights unhurriedly, leaving his private parts completely on display for Allen to shamelessly stare at.  
And so he did, his expression changing dramatically, no sign of panic left on his features. Kanda kicked the clothing all the way off of his legs while climbing back on the bed. Kneeling beside the younger male, he reached to his hips, too, and stripped him as well with only minor difficulties. Allen sighed with appreciation.

“Come back here...,” he almost moaned, reaching to hook his arms around Kanda’s tights to steer him to his previous position and immediately pulled him down for a kiss. It was deep and intense, but relatively short, because Kanda had other plans for his mouth for that moment.

Because maybe they technically shouldn’t go all the way with Allen like this, but surely there would be no problem if Kanda himself did all the work and took all the pain there was to take. 

Without breaking the eye contact, he brought his three fingers up, slowly taking them in between his lips to thoroughly coat them in saliva. Silver, filled with want eyes watched every flick of his tongue closely and observed his cheeks hollowing while his own hands found their way back to grab his ass. Kanda hummed deeply around his appendages, feeling his flesh being kneaded sensually, the sensitive skin between his buttocks stretching. Finally, deeming it enough, he freed his mouth, thin string of saliva breaking when he brought his hand behind his own back. 

The times Kanda had touched himself before felt nothing like this. The lone fact of Allen watching him made it so much more intense. Darkened eyes hooding and boring shamelessly into the other ones, he pushed two fingers in, breath hitching minutely. He then moved them, at first slowly, the light burning of an intrusion only adding to his arousal. Watching it all was Allen, closely observing every detail on the usually-angry man’s face. Lips slightly hung open, eyelids fluttering, flush of arousal intensifying on those high cheekbones. He took it all in, his breath ragged. Then Kanda suddenly jolted forward, releasing a groan into the white strands and Allen could only guess that the long, slim fingers have probably found the prostate. 

In his position with face shoved into the white mop of hair for it to muffle the sounds he made, Kanda could only feel one of Allen’s hands detach itself from him. He didn’t see that the albino brought it to his own lips. He kind of stopped caring what the other was doing for a while there anyway. 

Kanda was as good as just fucking himself, not registering what was happening around him. But when Allen started pushing his one finger right where his own two still were, it was not a thing he could not notice. Shivering, he slowed the movement of his hips for a moment to get used to it, but wasn’t really given much time. He felt his head being pulled back and warm tongue entered his mouth to prevent any sounds from escaping. Then, definitely not as patient as he normally was, Allen slowly inched another finger in. Swallowing Kanda’s moan, Allen hoped he wasn’t hurting the man too much, but he guessed he just had to trust him about it. He knew the swordsman was not fragile. Moving the fingers quite harshly, he started rubbing them over the bundle of nerves Kanda’s own fingers helped him find and groaned excitedly when the man’s spine arched in response.

“Fuck, bean sprout...,” Kanda panted against his mouth, eyes closed shut, not being able to tell between violent jolts of pleasure and painful discomfort. The unwanted feeling was pretty quickly forgotten though. 

When the long haired man was about to go mad and just rock his hips, taking the fingers in as far as they would go, Allen pulled his hand away, taking the other’s one with it by the wrist. Kanda swallowed a frustrated groan when his muscles clamped on the emptiness and, eyes opening with difficulty, tried to muster a glare. Allen had to dive in and kiss his neck to hide his smile at how much he failed, but was caught red handed anyway.

“I’m not so sure you want to be making fun of me right now,” Kanda said breathlessly, somehow still managing to sound threatening. Allen looked up at him then, but was pushed down on his back before he could form any words. He released a small painful hiss, the force of the fall a bit too much on his wound, but Kanda’s lips silenced him quickly, causing to instantly forget all about that.

Inching his hips forward and making sure not to put any pressure on Allen’s abdomen, Kanda straightened up. He felt like it was hitting him just now what they were about to do. It was a bit too late to ponder on it anymore though. Especially since the bean was looking at him like that. Like he really could not think of anything better than being this close to the hateful swordsman. His hair was tousled, flush burning on his almost white skin and even his damned scar that always stood out on his face was now only highlighting this whole disarray, making him look so completely fuckable. 

Feeling his whole body tingle with excitement, Kanda steadied himself with one hand and reached to the twitching member behind him with the other, aligning it with his entrance. All the while he held the heated gaze of silver eyes boring into him. Trying to relax as much as possible, he tentatively moved his hips down. When he felt the head pushing in, his mouth opened in a silent moan, want shooting through his veins like liquid fire. Scrunching eyebrows together, he eased the shaft inside inch by inch until it was all in, feeling somewhat grateful for the excessive stretching earlier that made it bearable even without any lube. It still undeniably stung, but it was nothing against the raw pleasure of being so completely filled to the brim. 

Trying the get used to the overwhelming sensations, he, not being able to catch his breath, opened his eyes he didn’t even realise he closed, Allen appearing right in the centre of his vision. He was propping himself up on his elbows, mouth open in a harsh pant and eyes so unfocused, filled with such a _need_ that it seemed to Kanda he was exactly where he should be. It was _his_. _For_ him and _because_ of him. The thought made a possessive feeling stir in him, but he shooed away his stupid thoughts, raising his hips to then bring them back down. Allen moaned, maybe a bit too loud, hands clutching at the sheets as he couldn’t really sit up by himself and reach for anything else.

“Kanda...,” he breathed, the name like a mantra for him by now. He watched as Kanda impaled himself on him, breathing raggedly, but could not reach and touch him. It was killing him. “ _Fuck_. Help me up, bastard... I want to...” 

Blue eyes opened and it took Kanda a few seconds to comprehend what was being said to him. He then reached with his hand, ready to comply, but then― 

“Wait, no. I’m not rubbing my dick over your fucking wound, don’t even thin... _ooh_. Shit,” Kanda moaned when he was met with Allen’s upward thrust when moving down. “Stay... still, _damn it_ ,” he worded with difficulty, bending down a bit to rest his palm on the younger male’s shoulder for better stability.

“You can’t honestly expect me to do nothing,” Allen panted, moving his hips again, feeling sharp pain in his abdomen because he was using muscles he really shouldn’t be using yet. For that, he earned himself one angry Kanda and his whole delicious body fucking _leave the bed_. “What are you do―” 

“You’re so fucking problematic. Stop trying to reopen the damned thing you have hidden under those bandages, would you?,” Kanda basically barked, lifting him in the air bride-style before Allen even had a chance to understand what was happening. He then was dropped unceremoniously on the other bed in the room. The one standing in a corner.

“Wha...?”

“Lean against the wall, idiot,” was all the explanation Allen was going to get. He did as he was told though, seeing where Kanda was going with it. He shouldn’t be hurting as much when moving his hips if he helped himself by pushing his palms against the wall to lift them. _And_ he could touch the man this way. It was really sweet of Kanda that he thought about it. In his own way.

“That better?,” the man asked, including his infamous ‘tch’ in it, his grumpiness so misplaced in a situation like this. He wasn’t really expecting an answer, too, already climbing on the cool sheets to bring himself back to Allen’s lap. He sat backwards though, which didn’t really please the albino, but he guessed he could work with that.

Kanda lifted his ass up a little and aligned himself again, groaning quietly when he felt Allen’s cock slide back to where he wanted it right now. He could not deny that the feel of a warm body against his back was pretty nice, too. 

It didn’t take him long to fall back into a rhythm, both their breaths hitching in synch, the friction easily turning brains into useless mush. 

Allen’s hands were roaming over his skin, caressing his stomach and nipples and basically every body part that could be called sensitive. His erection admittedly twitched when the albino brushed all of his long hair over one shoulder just to kiss and nip at the nape of his neck, causing a pleasurable shock to run through him. 

“I wanted this so bad,” Allen breathed right next to his ear, causing his chest to constrict pleasantly.

He was not going to say it back. Or say anything at all. Especially since he knew Allen was just mindlessly babbling, having stopped thinking straight a while ago. He turned his head back as far as it would go instead, reaching for a deep kiss, biting and sucking at Allen’s tongue hotly. His neck didn’t really appreciate the position though, so the kiss didn’t last long.

Resting against the warm chest behind him, he rocked his hips fast and hard enough that he could hear sounds of skin slapping together. By then Allen was using the wall as a leveller to meet him halfway, panting against his neck and kissing it passionately – a thing he really seemed to enjoy doing. And then Kanda moved his hips in circles for a bit, looking for that perfect angle, barely repressing a moan when he found it. Making Allen’s cock hit his prostate with every move, the long haired man was honestly losing himself. He didn’t even know if he was keeping quiet anymore. 

Allen experimentally bit his earlobe lightly, which really shouldn’t be as pleasant as it was. But then he felt a rough hand on his cock, palming him in synch with the movement of his hips and he knew he was getting close. As his moves turned frantic, he didn’t have enough mind to connect the facts that Allen was thrusting up _and_ still jerking him off. The albino’s normal arm was wrapped around his torso and teeth sunk into his shoulder, surely an attempt not to let loose too much sounds and then he felt the other body stiffen, Allen biting down a long groan as he came. After that Kanda closely followed, he was trying to hold it down by then anyway. He leaned his head back on Allen’s shoulder, the younger male’s softening cock still buried deep inside of him as his tights trembled, last droplets of semen landing on his own stomach. 

Eyes shut tight, he was panting heavily for a long moment, unmoving. He felt his whole body go lax, muscles refusing to work and mind deliciously sluggish. He completely relaxed against the other body, wanting nothing more than to just lay down and go to sleep. And maybe a shower would be nice, too, but it could wait, really. He didn’t trust himself to walk anywhere just yet, much less to do it swiftly and without anyone noticing. So resting was okay, right? Seeing how doing it with a dick still inside of him didn’t really seem efficient, he made his weak legs lift him up one last time and let the flaccid member slide out as he lifted his hips carefully. Not being able to hold back a groan, he sat back down in between Allen’s legs, breathing like he just did something that have cost him almost all of his strength. Maybe it wasn’t even that far from the truth. He let his head drop on the other’s shoulder again and was about to speak when he noticed something was off. Bean sprout was oddly still. 

“Allen?,” he said breathlessly, the name slipping out before he could bite his tongue. But even to _that_ , no reaction. “Hey, idiot, do you hear me?,” he asked urgently, feeling panic rise in him. 

For a moment forgetting his exhaustion, he straightened up and turned his body to the side. What he saw was one naked Allen Walker covered with drying sweat, head rested lifelessly against the wall, mouth minutely hung open, eyes closed. Shallow puffs of breath leaving his lips did not seem healthy either. Already predicting what he’ll see, he looked down and then – blood. Seeping slowly, mockingly, through the bandages tightly wrapped around Allen’s wound. 

Kanda felt himself go white in the face.

“Fuck,” he thought.


	7. Chapter 7

Kanda was, to put it simply, trying to pretend he didn’t exist. Though it wasn’t an easy thing at all, unfortunately. Especially while being asked questions. 

Because yes, he was still in the fucking room in the Hospital Wing. With a mad Head Nurse and an unconscious Allen damned Walker, no less. 

When Kanda discovered that Allen’s wound has reopened last night, his initial reaction was that he should just finish him off – an adequate punishment for being the idiot bean sprout he was. He didn’t do it, sure. But he was soon going to regret that if the situation he found himself in because of all this ridiculousness was going to continue. 

Because after the need for a bloodshed came a more natural reaction. So Kanda, all the while cursing under his breath and not caring about the filthiness of his body, dressed himself hurriedly, then doing the same for Allen. The second part was obviously the harder one. And if that he had to do it wasn’t bad in itself already, he noticed he had swapped their pants only when he was already shoving Allen's ass in the ones belonging to him. He really needed to hurry though, so he told himself it just had to do. And having fixed their nakedness in record time, he moved the albino’s as-good-as-dead body to lie down and ran out to call a nurse. 

Said nurse, or nurses rather, tended to the bean’s wound expertly, one of them only handing the needed supplies while the other was doing the actual job. They also, thankfully refrained from any unnecessary commentary, speaking up only to say Allen’s life wasn’t in danger. Though they still obviously had to notice something since one of them – the younger one – was avoiding eye contact with him while blushing furiously. It was only after they left that Kanda thought this _something_ might or might not have been his neck most likely covered in fucking love bites. Well, the room kind of smelled like sex, too. Probably. That made him feel excessively hot and he self-consciously brushed his hair to the front to cover at least part of the marks; even if there was no one to watch him anymore.

It was already early morning when the Head Nurse appeared. She burst into the room loudly, shocking Kanda into immediately snapping back to consciousness from his half-asleep state. 

He slept really poorly. The last thing he did before dozing off was hastily clean both Allen and himself with a bandage. The one that was unnecessarily wrapped around his torso, but somehow landed on the floor in the heat present hours earlier. After that he was trying hard to calm down, but couldn’t stop feeling nervous for some reason. The fact that albino's scent was firmly latched onto the bed sheets wasn’t helpful either.

Regardless, the woman must have heard everything from her subordinates, because she took to ranting about how they both should know wounds such as Allen’s weren't a thing to be ignored so carelessly.

Kanda quickly concluded she must have assumed they fought again. He had to agree that it was indeed more likely for them than suddenly have a steamy hot sex of all things. And as he was sitting, pretending to be listening, he found it extremely unfair that the person _truly_ responsible for the whole ordeal was fucking unconscious. Yeah. Allen remained in a bliss of unawareness as Kanda became a target of objections so obviously directed at the bean sprout himself. 

But after quickly double-checking on Allen, the Head Nurse finally calmed down a little. And then there they were – Kanda sitting on the edge of an empty bed with the woman looming over him, disapproval written all over her face. 

“Well, are you both going to reflect on your behaviour?,” she summed up her speech, observing him steadily. 

“I have nothing to reflect on, it’s all the idiot’s fault,” he snapped, but refused to look at her. Okay, so maybe he knew he was partially at fault. But still, that fucking bean sprout... He could shove his ‘I’m fine’ up his own ass for all Kanda cared.

“Who started doesn’t concern me, if anything happened then you’re both equally guilty,” she said sternly, but then crossed her arms over her chest, tone suddenly lighter as she spoke up again. “And can you even tell me what it is exactly that you two have done? All I can see is that it involved Mr. Walker pushing himself, but maybe there is something else I should be aware of?,” she inquired, the question making the man internally cringe.

Well, as long as he could make up a probable lie, everything should be fine. 

“He just woke up and asked me what happened after he fainted. I told him, but we got into a fight. That’s all,” he replied with a sour face, quite content with what he said. Even if it was maybe a little too general.

“About the beds, perhaps? I see you have switched.” Kanda’s eye twitched at that as he grew increasingly uncomfortable with the woman’s presence.

“Yeah,” he answered simply, clenching his teeth and trying to keep himself from yelling at her. He probably wasn’t in the best position to do that.

“I see a little change in clothing as well. Was there some kind of problem?” He shot her a shocked look, not having any answer for that. The small, knowing smile on her face was by far the scariest thing he had to face. Ever.

“That’s…,” he started with his throat tightened. Even thought he still haven’t decided on any valid excuse. 

And then – a fucking miracle if he ever seen one. 

As he was about to start flapping his mouth uselessly, face colouring faintly, both his and the nurse’s attention switched to the other bed. For there was one Allen Walker, slowly stirring back to consciousness. 

“Ask him if you have to,” Kanda scoffed, jumping on an occasion. A twisted sense of self-satisfaction appeared in his mind. No way he was going to deal with this shit alone. 

As the albino grumbled something sleepily, his eyebrows scrunching together, the swordsman was hit with a realization. He was about to die, wasn’t he? It was going to be the most awkward ‘morning after’ in the history of mankind. And Kanda hated the awkward.

Silver eyes finally opened and Allen was obviously trying hard to grasp the situation. He eyed the beds at first, his frown deepening, but then he looked at Kanda, understanding appearing on his face along with a faint blush. The intensity his stare gained then made the long haired man feel all weird and jittery, but he didn’t let his scowl falter. Seeing the overly Kanda-like expression, the albino had to fight down a playful smile, his lips twitching a little. But then Allen noticed the Head Nurse. 

“Good… morning?,” he croaked gawkily.

“Good morning. How are you feeling, Mr. Walker?” If the nurse has noticed something, she didn’t show it. 

“Fine,” he said, but that one word instantly made Kanda’s temper flare and he glared at his last night’s lover with all his might. If only that damned woman wasn’t there. He would honestly beat the cretin up. “I think,” Allen added uncertainly, facing the Head Nurse, but casting the other exorcist a nervous glance. 

“I see. That’s good to hear,” she said, seemingly unfazed by their behaviour. But then she made a pause, her face taking on a strict look again. “What you two did last night was really irresponsible, Walker.” Her dropping the ‘mister’ part in front of anyone other than Kanda himself was enough of an indication how seriously upset she was. 

But that aside, the swordsman basked in the pure shock and fear that appeared on the albino’s face. The wording the Head Nurse chose was truly the best possible. Though Kanda deflated significantly and the thought it probably wasn’t purely unintentional. 

“E-excuse me?,” Allen stuttered, clearly wanting to deny the sex that happened, but without actually mentioning the act if possible. 

That behaviour didn’t surprise Kanda at all. Because, God, they could be so screwed if someone got to know about this. Someone too rules-loving or not wishing them all that well that is. One word to the Central or Vatican and their lives would be as good as over. And _shit_ , maybe he should have thought about this _before_ he decided to dramatically give up on his anal virginity. 

Despite trusting the Head Nurse not to be a real danger, Kanda still thought nothing good could come out of the bean speaking up. So when the panicked silver eyes rested on him for a second, he stiffly shook his head in a ‘no’, although refusing to let their gazes meet.

“It’s… not going to happen again,” the albino said, his tone a little more sure, but expression still lost and embarrassed.

“I hope so. No more fights at least until I declare you healthy. Even you should manage this much,” the woman said with a nod, satisfied. 

The word ‘fight’ made Allen finally relax while Kanda only rolled his eyes at that.

The little smile that the nurse tried to fight down while speaking didn’t go unnoticed, at least by him. And really, he could only thank all that existed in this world that she wasn’t shameless or direct enough to really speak to them. Because Kanda didn’t think there was any room for doubt as for that she knew what actually happened. 

“If I made myself clear, I’m going for now. Someone will come later to check on you both,” she said after giving each of them a last warning glance. And then she went out of the room without any further comment, leaving them alone in the all-too-weird atmosphere. 

Kanda was also admittedly unable to decide if he was more pissed off or relieved. On one hand he has been forced to hear few times the ranting that bean sprout has, on the other it was finally over.

“What was that?,” Allen’s pitiful groan broke the silence after a short while and Kanda finally really looked at him, securely hiding behind an angry scowl.

“The captain of your fucking own fan club, idiot. She came to congratulate you on a job well done,” he spit ironically, Allen reduced to staring at him before he cleared his throat under the swordsman’s unwavering stare. 

“I’m― sorry?” He only had a vague idea what he could have done wrong to piss the man off so much, but he tried sending Kanda a little, apologetic smile as he spoke. And, to his honest bewilderment, it really seemed to soften the hard expression a tiny little bit. 

“You better be, moron. I had to fucking dress you up and clean this mess all by myself,” he growled, but his stance relaxed a bit. 

Allen tried not to snort imagining that and decided to stay silent. Because, to be honest, he wasn’t overall sure what happened. Did he pass out from the force of his climax? He heard it could happen sometimes. And last night seemed more than enough for it to happen. 

Yes, his body was satisfied. But a nagging voice in his head was telling him the distance between him and Kanda had yet to disappear. He chose to ignore it.

Kanda didn’t seem to be about to say anything more, so Allen decided to try to busy himself with trying to find a comfortable position, not to let the awkward get to him too much. Though the moment he tried to sit, he immediately stopped moving at all. 

“Augh,” he groaned. Damn, was he just imagining it or has the pain really got worse? 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?,” Kanda snapped at him. “Can’t you just stay fucking still for once?” 

“What is your problem?,” Allen asked, slowly getting irritated. Did Kanda really have to be like that?

“ _My_ problem? It’s not _my_ problem. Just don’t expect me to help you if you fuck your wound up _again_ ,” Kanda knew he was being a bitch, but he didn’t care. Stupid bean sprout couldn’t take care of himself for the life of him. 

“ _Again_?,” the albino echoed, offended. But then it suddenly made sense. “Oh, so that’s what happened,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. He didn’t expect it to only anger Kanda more, however. 

“What, you didn’t even fucking realise? _Good job_. Like you couldn’t just do what I told you to, you _fucking idiot_.” Kanda admittedly didn’t really want to fight. He just couldn’t say it any other way. 

Allen observed him for a moment before answering. He was obviously trying to avoid looking the albino in the eye again. 

“You sound like you were worried,” he said somewhat boldly, pleased when Kanda jolted and threw him a disbelieving look. That really was what the man was on about, wasn’t it? 

“Jesus, shut up, will you?,” Kanda growled embarrassedly. That bean sprout really had to learn when it was better to stay quiet.

“You didn’t deny it,” Allen smiled lightly and the swordsman just scowled at that. As much as he didn't regret the sex that happened, he felt vulnerable about the look the other male was giving him.

It was quiet for a while then, the albino finally managing to find a comfortable position that was something of a half-lying on his side. 

“Can I ask you something, Kanda?”

The man just grunted in reply. 

“What happened to you last night? I can’t even imagine what I did to make you react like that,” Allen said carefully, openly staring at Kanda, unblinking. 

The swordsman clicked his tongue irritably.

“You got to fuck me, isn’t that what you wanted? I don’t have to answer your stupid questions,” he growled, getting all bristled again. 

"Wha― it's not like that, Kanda!" Allen thought it was clear enough. "I didn't just…"

"Goddamit, just stop talking. _I know_." He regretted his next words as soon as they slipped out. "It's been the fucking problem all along, you moron."

"What? Why?" Allen furrowed his eyebrows, his voice urgent, but Kanda didn’t respond, his throat tightening. 

He honestly didn’t know how to deal with this situation. He felt like he made everything worse every time he spoke up because he just hated feeling cornered and was getting unnecessarily defensive. _Fuck it_.

He pushed his lips together into a thin line, getting up from his bed without a word. He needed to get out of here. Seriously. There wasn’t a thing he could do right now. A while alone with his thoughts was likely to help him. 

“Kanda, your leg―,” Allen begun, falling silent when he noticed the loose bandage pooling at Kanda’s ankle. 

“Fucking―,” the swordsman didn’t even finish, just tearing the damn thing away from his leg and placing it on his bed irritably. “My leg is _fine_. How fast do you think it has healed?,” Kanda was so mad he didn’t even think what he was saying. 

“I don’t know. How fast?,” Allen asked, his thoughts racing. Kanda’s regenerative abilities were forgotten somewhere at the back of his mind because of all that happened. Honestly, why was the man still here with him? 

“You can _guess_ ,” the swordsman answered, not even caring anymore. He wasn’t going to stay here any longer anyway. As he thought that, he directed his steps to the exit, purposefully ignoring Allen’s “Kanda, fuck, wait―”

But before he could open the door by himself, it burst open, revealing one goofy redhead, grin threatening to split his face in half. 

“Yuu-chan, congrats! I hear you died a hero!,” Lavi exclaimed happily, his expression dropping when he opened his one eye. What he saw a very angry-looking Kanda, his eyes flashing with a honest need to just fucking destroy something for it to break into million pieces. This something was clearly going to be his face, but Lavi dodged closely. Though the next punch flying straight to his stomach was significantly faster and the poor guy groaned it pain, Kanda shoving him aside. 

The next moment the man was gone, disappearing without as much as a word or a glance. 

“Kanda!,” Allen called after him one last time, trying hard not to glare at Lavi. Whatever the redhead meant by what he has just exclaimed, the albino was sure it didn’t help the situation at all. 

“Sorry, buddy.” Lavi coughed, letting go of his hurting stomach, mind quick enough to get he messed something up just now. “I can try to get him back here if you want.”

“No, no… It’s fine. Kanda’s just being an ass.” He couldn’t really bring himself to blame Lavi for anything. It was his own fault he didn’t know how to talk to the swordsman. 

Allen did good telling his friend to stay because even if Lavi did go after Kanda, he probably wouldn’t catch up to him. He stormed his way through the corridor, ignoring the medical staff observing him suspiciously as he went. 

He just wanted to get away from this damned place. People just seemed to love messing with him here. 

Next time anything should happen to him, he was seriously going to risk not being treated at all. Fuck the Hospital Wing, he would rather fucking die than come here ever again.


	8. Chapter 8

“Sorry again, mate.” Lavi had brought himself a chair and was now sitting beside Allen’s bed. He was rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously and the albino had to admit he rarely saw the guy so serious. 

“No, don’t be. He was… leaving anyway. It’s not your fault.” A heavy sigh left Allen’s lips. 

“Did something happen?” The Bookman Junior shot him an assessing glance as he asked. The redhead’s curiosity was a little too much, really. He didn’t even give him a moment to catch a breath before he jumped to questions.

“No, it’s...,” Allen started slowly and then interrupted himself to shake his head, furiously blinking away the images that appeared in his mind. “Nothing much” was his final answer and he had to really focus not to let his mind wander. He felt his cheeks become a little bit heated anyway. He didn’t need Lavi to be mixed up in this, honestly. 

“Really?”Lavi smirked knowingly and Allen was mortified for a second there. But then his friend laughed heartedly. “Just joking! Relax, bean sprout.” It was somehow hard to believe that given the spark in the emerald eye. “But man, your _nothing_ kind of pissed him off, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Allen agreed, his jaw tightening unconsciously. Lavi’s cheerful expression toned down a bit. The albino barely noticed though. Because did Kanda really have to be that difficult? He felt like a fool now. There he thought last night has changed something between them, but it looked like it was just wishful thinking. And the worst part was he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what he had done wrong. 

“Hey, say….” he started, feeling he needed to get his mind off the matter for now. He could sulk all he wanted later, when he was alone. “What did you mean by that ‘hero’ thing anyway?”

“Well, see, I thought I could tease him sayin’ that. Since he saved ya an’ stuff. But I guess I crossed the line,” the redhead laughed with evident guilt and Allen stiffened at his words, overwhelmed by a weird feeling. His heart suddenly started to pound erratically.

“What do you mean he… saved me?,” he managed out, throat tightening. 

“Wha―,” Lavi started, as good as bugging his eye out at him. But then stopped in obvious consternation. “So that’s why he got so mad at me, huh? Oh man.” Lavi ruffled his hair, making it even messier than it already was.

“What are you talking about?,” Allen pressed, getting impatient. He wasn’t really comfortable with the suspicions that started presenting themselves in his mind. 

“I’m not sure I should tell ya if ya don’ know. It’s in your mission report― I have access to those, see― So I thought you knew― Oh man. Yuu’s gonna kill me.”

“ _Lavi_.” It showed in the albino’s voice how nervous he was. “You’re the one who brought that up―”

“Uh. Well, mate, there isn’t much detail, but looks like ya were wounded an’ he carried ya to the station and then, ya know…”

“No, I don’t, _Lavi_.”

“He died. Well, as much as he can do that anyway.”

The words made his heart stop for a moment there. Then it sunk down, starting to beat twice as fast as before. He was aware Kanda didn’t really _die_. But was it really that much different? 

He was sure there was a price to pay whenever Kanda used his regenerative abilities. It couldn’t be an insignificant one either. And yet the man has always managed to heal lethal wounds and even the death itself, then brushing it off as if it was nothing. But it wasn’t nothing. Not even close to it. He saw Kanda suffering too many times to believe that. And the pace at which he healed wasn’t making his pain less relevant. That he went through something like that for Allen was shocking. And it _hurt_. It hurt that he was the cause of Kanda’s suffering in any way.

It hurt, but at the same time… What was he supposed to make of that? Did Kanda see it as a rational thing to do or was it really― just for his sake? Because couldn’t he just get help alone and have it come back for Allen? But the facts were the albino couldn’t grasp the situation. He didn’t even know where they were when the train derailed, let alone any other details.

“Are ya okay?” Allen snapped back to reality as he felt Lavi put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I―,” he started, but words stuck in his throat as he turned his head to Lavi, still a bit lethargically. 

“Allen?,” he furrowed his eyebrows, concerned.

“I have to…” The other male began stirring and making an attempt to get out of the bed, but Lavi firmly pushed him back down. 

“No. Ya stay here. Won’t let ya go anywhere all messed up,” he said seriously.

“I have to go talk to him, Lavi!,” Allen raised his voice, obviously ruled by nothing but emotions right at that moment. 

“Yeah, ya do. But not now. First ya heal. And give’im a moment, too,” the redhead said calmly but strongly, staring the albino right in the eye until the latter reluctantly gave up on fighting him about it. “Just calm down.”

Allen knew Lavi was right, but felt like staying put in bed was now going to be more difficult than ever.

@#$

It’s been five days and― 

Well, and _nothing_.

It took him one long, sleepless night to calm down after the events, but it wasn’t like he reached any sudden enlightment. His thoughts weren’t suddenly all nice and purely sensible. Contrary to what he had hoped for. And he wasn’t just meditating or training with Mugen all the time like he did up to a second ago, no. In fact, he had a short mission from which he got back just yesterday, but even a while away from The Order didn’t help him any. It just seemed nothing could ever go according to his will.

Allen was still under the hospitalization as far as Kanda knew and he obviously didn’t plan to go see him. Especially not in _there_. It was just― 

But what was he supposed to _do_? Sit and wait or what? Honestly, it didn’t sound any less difficult.

He― felt stupid. 

They _fucked_ , God damn it. And even having done something like that, a civilized conversation between him and Allen seemed like something he could only theorize about. A thing completely impossible.

It was his own fault for the most part, he knew that. But it wasn’t like just realising it was going to solve anything. He couldn’t just― speak openly about… his feelings. It wasn’t a thing he has ever done. But, fuck, it really looked like he will have to do that, sooner or later. He felt ridiculous with how the ‘later’ sounded infinitely more appealing. Because really, was he even gaining anything stalling like that? No. He fucking wasn’t. And it still didn’t seem like enough of an argument to convince his stubborn mind. Not to mention break through the solid wall of his convictions that, for as long as he could remember, made him do all he could to keep people from getting too close to him.

That’s right. That’s what he had always been doing. However, no matter how he thought about it, he no longer wanted to. No, not really. Allen was a person he needed right next to him. He was growing increasingly sure of that the more he tried to deny it. It made him angry, honestly. He would have never expected such a feeling of dependency in his life. Still, he wanted that, so he was going to make it happen. 

But if the mess he put himself into just pouncing on Allen without a care in the world wasn’t enough, there still was this other― thing. The one that stupid rabbit had to complicate by trying to be _funny_.

To him, it wasn’t much of a deal anymore now that he pondered on it for a few days. He often damaged his body in ways normal people would call ‘beyond repair’ when he was on missions after all. And the fact it was for Allen’s sake this time didn’t make him much more obvious than the way he shoved himself onto albino’s lap, he believed.

But. Even though all exorcists knew, more or less, how Kanda’s seal worked and were used to it by now, Walker wasn’t. He was the only one capable of shielding Kanda with his own body, which he proved more times than just once on that mission recently . And whatever Kanda did to try making him realise how stupid that was, Allen never seemed to care much. It just looked like the idiot was incapable of understanding Kanda really wasn’t like any next person. Protecting him was always doing more bad than good. Because what was the upside of having Allen heal a serious wound for days if not weeks instead of having Kanda just shake it off like it was nothing? Bean sprout never even tried to think about that and that’s precisely why Kanda knew he probably overreacted once Lavi explained him what he was so happily shouting about when he burst into their room – because of that the redheaded blabbermouth spilled everything Kanda was sure. If not only because he came to nag him once in the dining hall, saying Kanda should probably go talk to the bean. He was clearly too fucking involved in this already.

He wanted to think he was wrong in his thinking or at least that Allen wasn’t going to confront him about the mission. He knew how plain unrealistic it sounded though. And it didn’t take too long for him to make sure of that.

It must have been barely a few hours later when he heard a knock. Just one. When he didn’t react for a minute, just sitting on his bed, another three followed. His stomach clenched unpleasantly, but he moved to stand on his feet. He couldn’t say it surprised him when, once he opened the door, there was Allen Walker standing right in front of him. His expression was unreadable.

“If I have to force myself inside, I will,” he said, eyes not leaving Kanda’s.

“Obviously. I haven’t even closed the door,” he scoffed awkwardly, stepping to the side while leaving the room open. Allen’s lips formed a little smile at what he said. 

“Good. Though it wouldn’t have been a problem anyway.” He walked in, observing as Kanda turned the lock behind him. He wondered for a second if he should sit, but decided against that. For a moment he just watched the man’s stern expression, but then he spoke up. “I talked to Lavi, but you probably know that.”

“Yeah.” Kanda crossed his arms over his chest. 

The silence fell, stretching agonizingly, and Allen sat on the bed after all if not only to look less weird for at least few seconds. 

“He told me you carried me to the station. Is that true?”

The swordsman just nodded, really uncomfortable with the way the other exorcist was gazing at him.

“Why would you do that?”

“If it isn’t obvious for you by now then you’re stupid.” He shot albino a wary glare, surprised with himself how his voice still haven’t shown any of his nervousness, sounding steady as ever.

“No, it’s not, Kanda. If you think you’ve been obvious at any point in your fucking _life_ then…”

“Then what?,” the man cut him off daringly. 

“Then you’re the stupid one.” Allen answered his glare, whatever resolve he had to remain calm clearly faltering. 

“At least I’m not the one acting like the person who saved my fucking life has done something wrong. If you wanted to drop dead you should have told me sooner.” Kanda broke the eye contact at this point, not able to stand it. 

“But that’s what you always do, Kanda! Precisely that. And don’t tell me you helped me because you wanted my _gratitude_ , because I’m not buying that.” 

“That’s fucking because you and I are not the same, you idiotic brat. I don’t need any saving.” Clicking his tongue, he wasn’t surprised by how Allen was suddenly in front of him, grabbing his shirt in a threatening manner. 

“Well, _too bad_. Because I’m going to be doing whatever I can to help you for the rest of my fucking life, Kanda. If it bothers you that much then maybe you should have really let me die.”

Kanda just bent the arm away from him by the wrist at first, but bean sprout’s defiant eyes made him push the shorter male against the wall. He did it so hard it knocked the air out of his lungs. “Yeah, I probably should,” he hissed just for the sake of it, but then shook Allen a bit, growling “your hero complex is ten times bigger than your brain if you think it’s okay for you to put yourself in danger for me, but I can’t do the same for you. And then you fucking question me like I’m...”

He realized what he was saying only as he saw Allen’s eyes widen in surprise. He closed his mouth and almost let go of the albino right then, tempted to back away, but at the end he only pressed harder. 

“Kanda…”

“Shut up, don’t you fucking dare say anything right now.”

“But…,” he begun, but was effectively shut up by another harsh shake, his head banging against the hard surface. The thud it made sounded painful, but the silver eyes stayed as hard as they were if only became a bit unfocused, still observing Kanda almost unblinkingly. His breath was a bit quickened, too, but the man barely noticed. 

“I don’t know what you’re _thinking_ , but if you’ve been nagging me all this time just so you can have someone to fucking _protect_ , I’ll _decapitate_ y―,” the swordsman has pressed his fist twisted in Allen’s shirt and his shoulder harder each time he needed to accentuate a word. It got to the point he supposed it was pretty painful, so when the albino pretty obviously bit down a moan, it was enough of a shock for him to stop talking. Not thinking, he pushed his thigh between Allen’s, making sure of what he suspected. 

“You’re hard,” he growled. “In a _situation_ like that.”

“Are you really surprised?” The albino’s voice and eyes were feverish as he asked that and Kanda would have lied if he said it didn’t get to him a little. Or, well, _much_.

“You have a point, weirdo,” he scoffed, but the sudden change in the mood was already affecting him. “But I haven’t _finished_.” Kanda did a perfect job of rendering Allen to submission by pressing the rest of his body against him equally hard as his arm. This time the albino groaned in obvious pleasure, no way around it. 

“Well, I…,” Allen swallowed. “If I wanted someone to― take care of all the time to feel― superior or something, I wouldn’t― be interested in you, would I?” Bean sprout was doing short breaks in speaking to regain his composure by breathing deeply through his nose. The swordsman found it strangely fetching.

That, and Allen’s reasoning surprisingly made sense. The way he seemed to enjoy being crushed by Kanda and his crude words only help him further prove it. Before the man found a way to respond, Allen continued. 

“I guess I just― care too much to not help when― I see you in pain. Even if I know how strong you are.” Allen’s hands that were just resting along his sides all this time finally went up to loosely rest over his shoulders.

The swordsman relaxed his arms, letting go of Allen to which the latter sighed with relief. No matter how the manhandling turned him on, Kanda guessed the problems with breathing he had weren’t only because of the heat. And he seemed pleased as long as he had the man against his body anyway. 

What Allen said― Weren’t they just the same? The only difference was Allen cared more openly. And, well, got along with what he felt a great deal earlier then Kanda. Wasn’t it plain stupid to argue about that then? All they both could do about that was probably just watch not to put themselves in situations that called for help. As much as it was possible for them anyway.

“Fuck,” ha cursed, closing his eyes for a moment. Allen probably understood he just gave up because he pulled Kanda’s hips against his forcefully, rolling them in a fluid motion. 

“We can… always talk later, you know. As long as you won’t run away this time.” Allen was only mildly ashamed of how easy it was for him to abandon the initial goal he had in coming here. 

“I would be hard to do that. It’s my room.” Allen laughed at his somewhat resigned tone of voice and then moaned as Kanda crushed them together again, only this time letting his hands rest at the small of the albino’s back. “You better be in a good shape now, moron,” he mumbled before he kissed him. It wasn’t as urgent as the first time he did that. But it was somehow even hotter, amazingly. Both of them knew perfectly well what was happening and there wasn’t any risk of anyone walking in on them, so it just… filled them steadily with that slow-burning kind of pleasure. 

Allen thought how clever it was of him not to mention he wasn’t really officially discharged from the Hospital Wing yet. 

“To be honest, I thought you were going to be at least ten times more difficult than that when I came here,” he mumbled between kisses.

Kanda snorted and Allen just sort of… melted into him and it was honestly the most rewarding kind of kiss he could imagine.


	9. Chapter 9

In the Hospital Wing, Allen has been endlessly imagining what he would say to Kanda once they see each other. He has really planned it out carefully, making a mental list of things he should _not_ say. He obviously ended up saying at least one of them in the end. Though he was proud of himself he didn’t at least burst into the man’s room all shouting and growling like he was tempted to.

Having Kanda’s soft hot lips on his was reassuring. However much he worried during the past year or so, it looked strongly like he hasn’t fucked it up as much as he thought he did. His stomach tightened pleasantly, to the point he almost felt weak. He grabbed Kanda’s arms tightly, groaning into their joined mouth when the man just pressed them flush together, then threading his hand through Allen’s white hair. 

He felt so impossibly aroused. After freeing the inky black strands from its hair tie, his hands slid up Kanda’s shirt and he was glad to find the man appreciated it when he scratched his back with his blunt nails not all that lightly. In response, Kanda cupped his erection through his pants, rubbing forcefully, and Allen felt a shock run up his spine with surprising intensity. Surprising because it was so obviously just teasing. They both had loose clothes on, the man could easily slip his hand under the layers if he wanted.

“Kanda, fuck… I’m not really in a state when I can take this, you know,” he breathed against the other’s lips, gasping when the man didn’t even pause what he was doing. “ _Try_ ” was the only answer he got.

Kanda took off both their shirts and Allen caught him on immediately checking on his wound. Even if he tried to do it discreetly. But left it at that, seeing as the man seemed satisfied. The bandages he wore before were gone after all, angry-red marks with stitches the only thing left. 

Kanda’s hands traced his chest and stomach as they kissed, hips grinding against each other. But soon the man detached himself from him, tugging at the band of his pants, seemingly deep in thought. And Allen couldn’t place it, but his expression looked unsure. 

“What?,” he breathed, half-expecting not to get an answer. He was playing with the long hair now; like he has always wanted to. It was really beautiful, but he had to wonder – why have Kanda never cut it? It was probably getting in his way more often than not after all. Though he couldn’t say he was complaining, it suited the man. To an absurd extent, actually. 

“Nothing, shut up,” Kanda mumbled after a while. And before Allen could even think of any reply, he swiftly went down on his knees. 

“Oh, _fuck_ … Kanda, _no_ , I really―,” he tried to stop him hastily, but Kanda pulled his pants and boxers down, purposefully ignoring him. _No_. Allen couldn’t take this. He was just going to embarrass himself by coming in _seconds_ , probably. Just thinking that Kanda was about to suck him off was almost enough. 

But Kanda didn’t really know what he was doing. Though he wasn’t about to show it. Not that he was ashamed he never sucked anyone off, no. He just really, really wanted to make bean sprout feel good and―

He glanced up at the albino who was watching him with a helpless look on his face, but quickly shifted his gaze back down. He placed his hand around the hard cock before him, moving rhythmically and just observing until Allen moaned, making his own erection twitch impatiently. Regretting he didn’t take off his pants before kneeling, he rolled them down his thighs, much like he did with the bean’s and then just― stuck out his tongue, licking the head of Allen’s cock before he could change his mind.

The taste wasn’t the best in the world, though still not exactly unpleasant and the musk was making blood rush to his head with every inhale. So he did it again, this time applying more pressure. A short groan he earned for that encouraged him and he took the tip into his mouth experimentally, swirling his tongue. That wasn’t bad wither. He tried bobbing his head then, attempting to take the cock deeper in each time, all the while watching not to use his teeth. 

When he finally tried sucking, Allen twisted his hands in his hair with a loud, very satisfying moan. So he continued, the slurping sounds not bothering him as much as he thought they would. Not with the arousal that was flaring through him insistently. Curious, he tried looking up and what he saw were unbelievably hazy eyes observing him unblinkingly, frequent pants escaping the albino’s lips. He actually groaned at the back of his throat at the sight, surprised as the vibrations of his voice very clearly excited Allen. He realised he forgot about moving his hand at some point and quickly resumed it, massaging the part of the shaft he couldn’t fit into his mouth. 

Finding himself unable to break the eye contact by now, he sped up his ministrations. His free hand moved to his own cock, tugging harshly and his jaw was actually starting to hurt a little, but he was – surprisingly – too into it to just stop. Even as the albino tightened up visibly, on the verge of climax. 

“Kanda, please… move away, I’m―” Allen tried to pull him away by tugging at his hair, but failed. In fact, it only made the man moan. It was all it took before the albino was coming into the wet heat engulfing him. Kanda tried to swallow as best he could and more or less succeeded, fighting the need to back away, inhaling deeply through his nose. 

“Fu-fuck,” Allen managed, banging his head against the wall as he closed his eyes shut. Because Kanda wasn’t stopping. Though he wasn’t as rash anymore, aware that Allen was probably over-sensitive now. He only backed away when the cock in his mouth went flaccid, the body before him uselessly sliding down the wall until both men were on the same level. 

One stared at the other for a moment, both flushed and breathing raggedly. But then Allen made himself move, taking his clothes off all the way past his feet before he crawled across the floor. He clung to Kanda, kissing him lazily, the fact that he could taste his own cum only making him pull the man closer as he dazedly touched his face.

“Just― just let me get close to you. Please,” he mumbled mindlessly into the man’s mouth, staring him right in the eye hopelessly and then felt Kanda stiffen at his words. He almost regretted speaking up that instant, but the next moment the man grabbed his thighs, making their legs press together as tightly as the rest of their bodies in their not exactly comfortable kneeling position. 

“How much closer can people get, idiot,” he answered in a voice that instantly reminded Allen they weren’t done yet. As if the impossibly hard erection digging into his abdomen wasn’t enough for him to realise that. 

But sex wasn’t what he was talking about. 

“I didn’t mean only like that, Kanda.”

“I know.”

And then they were just a messy heap on the floor, awkwardly dealing with the pants Kanda still partially had on. 

“Fuck,” Allen groaned, his hand on Kanda’s cock. But the position he was in and the hard floor making him painfully aware of all his bones were so uncomfortable that he knew they couldn’t go on like this. 

Kanda seemed to notice the problem, thankfully. “Bed,” he said in an almost commanding voice, Allen only murmuring a “yeah” before they scrambled to get up. He wasn’t even sure how they managed, really. Especially since they haven’t even detached from each other. 

Clumsily walking backwards as Kanda steered them in the right direction, he unintentionally bit the man’s lip quite harshly and lapped at it with his tongue when he tasted blood. His victim didn’t really seem to care though and then Allen was pushed backwards before he even noticed they stopped.

The instant he landed on the bed, he brought Kanda back to him by pulling his neck, rejoining their lips. They kissed hungrily; Allen wasn’t satisfied yet, he decided. His weariness was quickly dissipating as he felt arousal slowly building again. Amidst chaotic caressing and grinding as they tried to touch each other everywhere all at once, a thought run through his head while Kanda was biting his neck. 

“Lube...,” he groaned; long fingers squeezed his cock, fondling it insistently. Since Kanda didn’t seem eager to reply, he repeated. “We forgot about the―” It became clear the man ignored him more than didn’t hear the first time, because he interrupted him with obvious discomfort. 

“Shut up,” he growled and quickly fished a bottle from under his pillow just above Allen’s head, shoving it into his face irritably. It rolled down to the mattress right next to his shoulder since the albino didn’t seem interested in catching it. He seemed to care much more about something else, in fact. Like the curious place where Kanda kept his lube or the fact it was half-empty.

“Using it much?,” he asked, laughing breathlessly when Kanda just scowled at him. He has had a feeling it wasn’t like the man had night guests over very often even before and especially now, so―

He pulled Kanda flush against himself by hooking his legs over his hips.

“Do you think about me when you―,” he murmured boldly with his face inches from Kanda’s, a self satisfied smile appearing when the man cut him off abruptly once again. 

“ _No_.” He tried to glare at Allen, a smallest hint of embarrassment on his face, but the albino’s expression didn’t falter. He just dragged his nails down his back, mumbling an amused “liar” before he ground their hips together aggressively. 

He could just feel how much Kanda wanted him and it was, dare he say it, not really only physical. Allen haven’t been so at peace with himself in a very long time. 

He blindly reached for the bottle that was abandoned right next to him and uncapped it, coating Kanda’s fingers thoroughly as he reached for his hand. The man didn’t really need any more instructions, but―

“Move your legs,” he grunted, biting his lips when Allen only moved his hips again. _Fuck_. He really needed to stop doing that, Kanda was trying hard enough to stop himself from tending to his own needs already, even without the bean’s _help_.

Meanwhile the albino had troubles processing why should he do something as stupid as that, but he understood as soon as Kanda tried to reach to his ass, but ended up― well, not really failing, but neither of them were comfortable with the angle. So Allen untangled his legs, just resting feet on the mattress and soon he felt two fingers enter him, groaning appreciatively. _God_ , he really wanted that.

Kanda moved a bit to the side to be able to operate more freely and his erection was pressing against Allen’s hip now. He tried to just stay still like that, but it honestly hurt how aroused he was, so he indulged himself a bit, rubbing against the hot body under him. 

Allen moaned loudly when fingers brushed against his prostate. Who were they trying to fool, really. They weren’t going to make it like that. He was already fully hard again and Kanda was just― beyond the point of being able to hold back. He felt it the way he moved against him and his eyebrows brought together in a deep v only further proved it. 

“Kanda. Let’s skip that. Just _fuck me_ ,” he managed out hoarsely, sitting up abruptly before the man could even say anything. 

He grabbed the bottle again and generously spilled the lube on his own hand in record speed. The swordsman watched him closely with eyes so darkened with lust they were almost navy now, unblinking. His tightly pressed lips parted silently when Allen messily slickened up his cock and Kanda inched them both forward, so that the albino’s head landed right on the pillow when they both fell back down on the mattress. 

“ _C’mon_ ,” Allen hurried him, his breath hitching when he felt arms curling around his thighs as Kanda positioned himself, his slickened cock pressing against him. They watched each other in silence, only breathing with lips almost touching and Kanda reached to himself to finally start inching inside. 

“Fuck,” Allen groaned brokenly, his eyes shut tight. 

The sensation of being stretched wide, the searing hot erection completely inside him, was driving him crazy. He moaned as Kanda bucked his hips only a little, experimentally. He couldn’t say it didn’t hurt, but _fuck_ , pain never felt so good before. 

“ _Move_.”

“Why do you― talk so much.” Kanda tried very hard to sound irritated, but he failed terribly, barely biting down a groan as he did what the albino told him to. 

His thrusts started off slow and shallow. The tightness and heat were making him feel overwhelmed, the pressure so intense it was almost too much. But, hell, beneath him Allen was moving so impatiently that he couldn’t possibly continue like that for long.

Digging his fingers harshly into the muscled thighs, he bent down, his face burying into the bean’s neck. Panting against the soft skin, he attempted to match the pace Allen tried to set. 

“ _Yes_ ,” the albino moaned, fisting Kanda’s hair as that amazing spot inside him was hit head-on. He had to admit it was even better than he thought it would be. He wanted― no, he _needed_ to feel it harder. “Kanda, _please_.” He was _begging_ , he knew that. He just couldn’t bring himself to care. 

They sped up, finally reaching that perfect rhythm when Allen pushed against Kanda every time he was sliding inside. Shameless sounds were spilling from the albino’s mouth in an endless string, to the point Kanda had to silence him with his lips, but then he was just moaning around the man’s tongue and he would lie if he said it wasn’t turning him on. 

Allen clung to him impossibly close, with his legs and arms wrapped tightly around his body, his cock digging into Kanda’s stomach. And the thrusts turned so forceful and deep that he could feel it even in his fucking toes. He sucked and bit the swordsman’s tongue, their kiss turning so messy it was probably a mistake to even call it that by now. Dangerously short on breath, Kanda finally had to withdraw a little and then they were just touching, mouth open, Allen’s moans melting against his lips. 

“So _loud_ ―,” Kanda groaned, long since unable to form a complete sentence. And then Allen just twisted himself impossibly to reach with his hands to the man’s ass, groping it as if to make his cock reach even deeper into him. “ _Fuck_ ” was probably the last word Kanda still knew how to properly spell as he scooped the demanding albino up into his arms, driving into him aggressively without a pause. The mismatched hands clawed at his back before abruptly moving to tangle into his hair, messing it up impossibly, Allen attempting to engage them into a kiss again.

Being pressed as tight as they were, Kanda wasn’t even sure how they still managed to move, but they just kind of― rolled together, the albino so into it that he actually started quivering. His voice became high-pitched before he lost it completely, just gasping against the swordsman’s mouth shakily. 

Allen felt like he lost his mind, but made himself open his eyes with awful difficulty, just in time to see Kanda’s face twist in ecstasy, flush dark against his pale skin. A deep groan spilled from his lips as he gripped the albino’s hips with bruising force, spasming as he was coming while buried deep inside him. 

“ _Kanda_ ,” Allen moaned, his breath hitching as he bucked his hips as best as he could, wanting to prolong the man’s pleasure, all the while kissing a messy trail up his jaw. 

“Sh-shit,” Kanda managed, his voice trembling as he exhaled. He still moved inside Allen clumsily, knowing he wasn’t finished yet. But he realised it was no good like that. So he detangled from the albino just enough to reach to his cock trapped in between them, sliding his hand jerkily as he tightly wrapped it around. 

He kept that up when he couldn’t thrust anymore, Allen all the while staring at him with unfocused eyes, his pants hot against Kanda’s lips. And then the albino stilled suddenly, not even breathing as he reached his climax, spilling over his own stomach and Kanda’s fist before his body slumped, all the tension disappearing from his muscles in seconds. 

They didn’t even budge for a very long moment after the swordsman slid out of him carefully, breaths impossibly uneven, eyes droopy but unblinking. Deep silence stretched lazily as both of them were slowly regaining senses. 

And, suddenly, Allen laughed; his arms hanging loosely around Kanda’s neck. 

“Are you broken?,” Kanda snorted. 

“Sort of,” he replied, kissing him languidly for a while before continuing , their foreheads almost pressed together. “I guess I wanted to try bottoming more than I thought I did.”

Try? _Good_. Kanda wasn’t the only one first-timing here. He found that strangely satisfying.

“You were a complete slut.” He tried to scowl, but Allen only threw him a sickly sweet smile at that. Not exactly fake since he was in too good of a mood for that, but it was still enough to make Kanda’s eyebrow twitch irritably. 

“Why, thank you. If you’re trying you convince me you didn’t like it, you can stop now, because I won’t believe that.”

“I see you act like yourself again.” Kanda clicked his tongue. _Aggravating_ was what he meant, but he couldn’t deny having Allen’s bratty self back pleased him in the most complicated kind of way. 

“Oh, you _missed_ me. That’s so sweet, Kanda,” the albino said mockingly and to that the swordsman pushed him harshly back on the mattress. Though Allen’s embrace kind of ruined it for the man and they both fell on the sheets, tangled. 

“You can get out of here now,” Kanda mumbled against his lips almost rolling his eyes, though it had no real bite to it.

“No way. You’re not going to get rid of me now, you _ass_.”


	10. Chapter 10

Kanda didn’t really try to get rid of Allen in the end.

He might have considered doing that, just to be a dick, but simply concluded he was too tired. They both were. So much that neither made a conscious attempt to fall sleep, but did anyway, eventually.

When Kanda woke up, Allen wasn’t there anymore.

Or at least that’s what he thought before he noticed him doing up-sided push-ups in the corner of his room. And what surprised him the most about that was the fact that the bean managed to move out of the bed without him waking up. Honestly, he was a really light sleeper, so that was quite an achievement. It almost impressed him.

“Good morning, Kan― oh God, your hair is so messed up.” The next amazing thing he was capable of was pissing Kanda off in seconds. Allen swiftly switched his stance, standing upright in nothing but his underwear.

“And whose fault is that?,” the swordsman growled, irritably trying to work a knot out with his fingers. He winced. What the fuck was this? What did that idiot do to his hair? Cleaned the floor with it?

“I can help you brush it.” Allen smiled with a hint of self-satisfaction as he offered, suddenly appearing by his side.

“ _No_. You can’t,” Kanda answered without hesitation. Though somehow against his wishes, really. He didn’t like doing that by himself all that much.

“Well, too bad” was all he heard as Allen repositioned him.

Kanda didn’t see him now, being with his back to him and all, but he realised the bean somehow found his brush as he felt it familiarly slide through his hair. A resigned sigh escaped his lips.

“I’ll try not to tug too much,” the idiot assured him, starting to patiently work the knots out one at a time. A chill ran through Kanda as he felt a breath against his ear, the brushing not stopping. “Though you seem to enjoy that, I noticed,” Allen almost whispered.

“Fuck you” was all Kanda managed in response. Because well, yes, he did like it. Though he didn’t really expect that from himself and wasn’t sure he enjoyed the thought.

Allen only laughed shortly at his words and continued his task in silence. It wasn’t awkward though. Thank God.

It didn’t take too much time for Kanda to notice that Allen was pretty obviously uncomfortable. Movements of his hands were sure and embarrassingly considerate, but he felt the bean’s body constantly writhe and shuffle behind him and it was honestly starting to bother him.

“Can’t you stay still?” At that Allen just kind of― grunted with slight but obvious embarrassment. Kanda turned his head a bit to look at him. “What?”

“Well I― don’t enjoy sitting that much right now,” he admitted and the man scoffed at him with a hint of amusement.

“You can’t blame me for that,” Kanda pointed out, arching his eyebrow. Then he moved out of the bed without a word and Allen was about to protest that he was far from done yet, but the man just sat on a single chair that was in his room, looking at him expectantly.

“Come here or give that back to me, idiot,” he hurried him, reaching out with his hand. And Kanda was of course also very very naked which was doing things to Allen, but he made himself just smile in thanks and moved to stand behind his lover, instantly getting back to brushing the long hair.  

Kanda relaxed under the bean’s care, even sighing once as fingers massaged his scalp. So it took some time before he actually wondered what time it was and looked out his stained window. He scowled.

“What the fuck, bean sprout? Why would you need to get up at three in the morning?,” he asked, purposefully ignoring the fact that he woke up on his own accord, too. It’s not like Allen had to rouse him. But, well, it was probably because the bed was turning cold, so he wasn’t about to mention it.

“I don’t. Not really,” Allen answered, clearly pleased with himself. “And it’s usually not like that anyway,” he added cryptically.

Kanda tried to throw him an irritated look, but Allen just held his head in place, making him click his tongue.

“Stay still,” he instructed, not at all thrown off by the man’s attitude. “And I just thought it might be pretty useful if we woke up early.”

“What do you mean?”

 “Well―,” Allen begun and he could just hear the very meaningful smile the albino surely had plastered on his face. “No one is really using showers at this hour, you know.”

Kanda thought it might not necessarily be the case if someone was just back from a mission or couldn’t sleep that particular night, but he chose to ignore it.

“And you’re playing with my hair to give them all more time to wake up?,” he scoffed, instantly getting up to dress himself. Fuck the knots, they weren’t that important.

Allen successfully protected his own life by not commenting on the man’s obvious impatience and then, when they got to the destination in pretty much record time, it turned out they were lucky, thankfully.

And as Allen later proceeded to fuck his brains out in the shower, Kanda no longer minded that they didn’t get much sleep.

@#$

It should be embarrassing how little time has passed before they both ended up in the Hospital Wing yet again.

It wasn’t anything really serious this time though. Actually, they would have probably ran away from the treatment without hesitation if the situation was normal. But it wasn’t. In fact, Kanda was slowly forgetting what normal even _meant_. Ever since they― got together? Was that a proper way to call it?

Regardless, it wasn’t easy to explain why they stayed. For Kanda it had  to have something to do with the way Allen was looking at him.

Well, the Hospital Wing was probably never going to be the same for them again, taking into account everything that happened there. Though it didn’t necessarily mean they had to go at it every damn time they slept there. For Kanda anyway. For Allen not so much.

“Hey,” the albino called out to him in a hushed voice one evening.

Knowing too well what he was on about judging by his tone, Kanda initially tried to ignore him.

“Kanda, don’t be a dick,” he almost whined.

“ _What_.” The grumpy man quickly decided he should just shoot him down with words, straight to the point, if he wanted it to work. He has  already learned ignoring his partner was just making him struggle for attention more.

“I’m hard,” he stated bluntly.

“Yeah, and I don’t _care_.” Kanda rolled his eyes to cover up the obvious lie.

“Oh. Do you want me to take care of it myself then?” Allen smiled when that made the other man face him in surprise. “You know I don’t mind you watching.”

Fuck. Kanda should have really expected that. Too bad for Allen he, in fact, kind of _wanted_ to watch. Not that he would have let him finish like that.

The moment was shattered by the Head Nurse marching into their room before anything even had a chance to happen.

“I’m surprised to see you’re still here,” she said with a hint of amusement, immediately getting to bandage Allen’s newest fuck up on his leg. The panic he had on his face before she tore the covers away from him was priceless. But then he relaxed as she uncovered him only from knees down and his state remained unnoticed.

“I convinced Kanda we should behave ourselves,” Allen lied shamelessly and the woman only smiled to herself. She tried really hard to be mad at the him after he ran away the last time, but she obviously knew more about the situation than she really should and couldn’t keep her stern façade.

“That’s good to hear,” she laughed, shaking her head.

Kanda only scowled as she moved to the door right after fixing covers on Allen’s bed. She obviously planned to ignore him. It wasn’t of course like he needed any help or treatment at this point. It was just that the prospect of his lover catching on the fact Kanda was only still lying in bed to keep him company wasn’t an appealing one. Apparently somehow knowing what he was thinking – as per usual, – she threw him a look.

“I vaguely know what you did to them last time, but the other nurses refused to come here. Expect me in the morning”

Kanda suddenly remembered the state he was in last time the other women saw him. Well, fuck.

“You heard her,” Allen commented as soon as she was out and Kanda scowled.

“So?”                                                                                                                                                      

“Well, okay. If you’re not going to cooperate―” The albino only smiled impishly before resting his back on the pillow comfortably. Then, he pushed the covers down along with his pants, watching Kanda intently as he grabbed his own cock.

As his gasps filled the air along with a few quiet groans, the swordsman couldn’t really take it anymore. He sighed before rising up.

He wanted to be alone, but ended up in a deep shit with the mushiest, clingiest, neediest and brattiest idiot in the whole fucking world instead. He wouldn’t call it a job well done.

He had to admit it wasn’t _all_ that bad though.


End file.
